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Meet Beshine. She is a pleasant-seemingly German cam girl and internet star with a surgically-augmented 32Z chest, a sunny disposition, and a robust following on Reddit. According to the Daily Dot’s explainer on Beshine and her fan army, her boobs are a bouncing 20 lbs each. That’s the equivalent of 10 six-packs of beer, an average one-year old-child, or a sizeable Thanksgiving turkey. Cool! What fun it must be to spend all day walking around on tiny human legs with two yoga balls strapped to your chest. But how the fuck would you get anything done? I’m willing to bet there’s a lot of commonplace activities that are pretty damn hard for Beshine to accomplish. Let’s explore…
- Wearing a seat belt of any kind. Where does it go? Does she have to use seatbelt extenders, or does she just live on the edge, unfettered in all moving vehicles?
- Traveling anywhere by air. The seat belt issue remains, but also I feel like she’d have to buy an extra seat.
- Crossing her arms in front of her chest. What does she do when she wants to look fed up?!
- Walking any faster than a gentle trot. Sure hope Beshine has a backup plan should a giant bear decide to chase her.
- Missionary sex. Wouldn’t the dude be just, like, aloft on her giant fake boobs? How would his dick actually get in to where it needs to go?
- Doggystyle sex. I feel like Beshine can’t really get onto all fours, though perhaps with boobs this big, she can sorta just lay on them, like a raft.
- Throwing out the first pitch at a baseball game. Really hard to wind-up properly with those melons in the way.
- Modern dance. Really, dance of any kind. Tap would also be pretty painful.
- Giving herself a manicure. Once again, the physics of this confound me.
- Tying her shoes. Duh.
- Holding a child. The child could just like, sit on the boobs themselves, I guess. Or wedged in between them? That might be okay.
- Breastfeeding. LOL, I mean … I guess she COULD, but the location of her nipples seems less than ideal
- Crunches, burpees and hot yoga. Nope nope nope.
- Crossfit. But who needs it anyway?
- Typing at a computer. Guess blogging is out too.
- Laying face-down anywhere, but especially on the floor, after a particularly exhausting day. And you know what that means? NO BACK MASSAGES EITHER. Which she probably needs more than anyone.
Original by Megan Reynolds @mega_hurt
