Remember that part in the “Sex and the City” movie when Miranda and Carrie are sitting in the backseat of a taxi, and Miranda is trying to get Carrie to forgive her for basically screwing up her whole wedding and entire life, and then Carrie says Miranda should forgive Steve for cheating on her while they’re at it, and then Carrie says, “It’s forgiveness,” and the taxi driver nods in understanding? Well, that has no bearing on what I’m about to say here.
There are things people do in relationships that are simply never, ever forgivable. You might think we’re talking about “cheating” or something along those lines, but I think the issue goes much deeper than that. There are things far, far graver that a woman can never, EVER forgive her man for doing. Find out what they are after the jump. They may shock and amaze you.
- Leaving the toilet seat up if it makes you fall into the toilet in the dark in the middle of the night, and you’re at his place and the toilet hasn’t been cleaned all that recently.
- Saying that sex he had with someone else was better than sex he had with you, even if a) he’s drunk, b) she’s deceased, or c) it’s true.
- Giving you a Dutch oven, especially if you are asleep or half asleep, and always if the odor is really bad.
- Not telling you that he is actually “Currently Separated” and not actually “Totally Divorced,” because “Currently Separated” is a lot more like “Still Married” than “Totally Divorced.”
- Saying something lame when a relative dies, like, “Gee, that’s too bad,” or, “Well, what do you want me to do about that?” or “OK, but I’m still hungry.”
- Asking you to wear makeup more often or fix your hair more often, especially if the last time that he wore something other than those sweat pants was over a week ago.
- Shaving, trimming, or otherwise manscaping his nether region, because this is not a porn movie, and your name is not Savanna Sunrise.
- Trying to make you buy him a) a $200 pair of jeans, b) a full tank of gas so he can “make it home,” or c) dinner on your birthday.
- Not changing his underpants every day, particularly if they are briefs, although maybe it’s OK if they are boxers.
- Attempting to tongue you down with morning breath, even if you, too, having morning breath.
- Switching positions right when you’re about to have an orgasm, especially if then you scream, “NO, WAIT, DON’T”, and he’s like, “What?”
- Masturbating to anything other than you a) when you’re around, b) in front of you to porn, or c) because he was “bored.”
- Taking your parking spot, even if it was “only for a minute,” and he thought you thought “it was OK.”
- Falling asleep while you are talking, regardless of the subject matter or his interest level in it.
- Scratching his balls a) in front of your mother, b) at the opera, c) because he has crabs.
- Not telling you not to go into the bathroom when he really, really should have told you not to go into the bathroom.
- Breaking off an engagement, even if it’s not to you.
- Forgetting to wear deodorant on a regular basis, unless his armpits naturally smell like roses, lilac, and jasmine.
- Letting you go, even if you said it was over, and he knew you didn’t really mean it.
- Ending your relationship, and when you ask why it’s over, he says, “I don’t know.”
- Touching another woman’s breasts, butt, or vagina, unless he’s a plastic surgeon, a proctologist, or a gynecologist.
Original by: Susannah Breslin