Confession: I am pretty obsessed with Craigslist’s Missed Connections. It is my life goal to find one dedicated to me, and therefore I check them every day — so far, to no avail. After some deep contemplation, I’ve decided that the way I live my life is not necessarily conducive to the mysterious and sexy aura that tends to spark a Missed Connection. I’m not really a “wink and flip my hair” type; I’m more of a “trip in front of a large crowd while carrying a carton of eggs” type. After the jump, a few examples of Missed Connections based on my life that, alas, I will probably never get…
1. Running Shorts + Snowboots at Walgreens – M4W
You: Wearing running shorts, an argyle sweater, and Sorel snowboots, smelling every single deodorant Walgreens had in stock as if it were the most important decision you will ever make in your life.
Me: Intrigued. Coffee sometime?
2. “I’m a mona-gum-ist!” – M4W
We were sitting next to each other at Starbucks when I grabbed a pack of gum and offered you a piece. You said, “No thanks, I’m pretty loyal to chewing Trident. In fact, you could say I’m a monaGUMist.” Then you laughed hysterically at your own joke, for, like, 5 full minutes. Let’s talk more.
3. Headbanging at the intersection – M4W
I pulled up next to you at an intersection and you were headbanging so voraciously you almost passed out. At the very least you pulled a muscle in your neck, based on the way you were wincing in pain afterwards. Also was that System of a Down? Do people still listen to System of a Down? I guess you do. Wanna make “chop suey” together next time?
4. I’m your neighbor – M4W
You live across the way from me, and seem to have a problem remembering to close your blinds. You don’t wear pants very often, and for someone in your mid-twenties I’m impressed with your commitment to perfecting your somersault. Also that one time you put some cream cheese on a corn tortilla and called it lunch? I totally saw that. And you’re perfect and I’m in love with you.
5. Clumsy Lady – M4W
You: Walking down the street carrying a bag of groceries. Tripped and fell. Unleashed a stream of profanity. In front of a family of Mennonites.