The Frisky
  • Home
  • News
  • Health
  • Celebs
  • Movies
  • Love
  • Relationships
  • Style
  • Entertainment
  • Parenting
  • Royals
  • Travel
  • About Us
  • Latest
  • Contact Us
  • Terms and Conditions
  • Privacy Policy
The Frisky
  • Home
  • News
  • Health
  • Celebs
  • Movies
  • Love
  • Relationships
  • Style
  • Entertainment
  • Parenting
  • Royals
  • Travel
Love Your Self

5 Easy Ways To “Win” Any Fight (And Feel Better About Yourself)

by Lana Vrzic November 10, 2019
by Lana Vrzic November 10, 2019

When I was in middle school, I was picked to become a peer mediator. At the time, I was just stoked to get out of classes for two days for program-mandated training, but it ended up being some of the most useful stuff I learned in school. The theory behind peer mediation is that kids benefit from resolving conflicts without the express involvement of authority figures, and without the threat of disciplinary action. I only actually mediated on a few cases when I was in school, but the basic tenets of  mediation theory and conflict-resolution philosophy have always stuck with me.

The key to winning any fight is not to fight at all. But if that’s an impossibility, then try these five tips that will help you successfully navigate — and resolve! — any conflict.

1. Ask yourself: “What do I want to have happen?” and then determine if what you’re doing is helping you achieve that goal. Ninety-nine percent of fights lack this really important idea, and devolve into whose feelings are hurt more and who’s to blame and blah blah blah. Yes, it’s important to acknowledge when you’re feeling hurt or angry, and sure, assign blame, but it’s equally important that you move past that and figure out what it is that you really want to accomplish. Because hello, do you want to be stuck in the hurt feelings cycle forever? No, you do not. You want to get what you want. And this will help you achieve that.

Source: Shutterstock

2. Remember this sentence construction: “When X Happens, I Feel Y.” When you’re arguing with someone, it’s easy to generalize and say shit like, “You always do that!” Or “You’re so mean to me!” Or “I hate you and you make me want to die.” Or whatever. The point is, making generalized statements without concrete connections between actions and feelings can dilute the power of your position, confuse the person you’re trying to talk to, and extend the argument forever. You don’t want that. You want solutions! You want to feel better. This sort of construction offers a tacit connection between actions and consequences, and it does so without catastrophizing and . Using this sentence construction will help clarify the problem and get you closer to resolution.

3. Realize that a large chunk of anger is actually “hurt” in disguise. Often, when someone says they’re angry, what they often mean is, “My feelings are hurt and I’m upset and I don’t know how to process that.” I mean, I’m paraphrasing, but you see the connection right? Anger is often just a defense mechanism to having our feelings hurt or our egos damaged — and the ego can be a wrathful, powerful enemy when it feels threatened. Acknowledging that it’s your ego that feels bruised or compromised can help you put those hurt and upset feelings in their appropriate place. And that will make you a more compassionate and constructive person in conflict.

Source: independent

4. Try an alternative negotiation strategy. Okay, so don’t kill me if I’m fudging a little on this because I haven’t actually studied this stuff in years, but check out Getting to Yes, which offers an alternative style of negotiation that aims to resolve conflicts and make both parties in a disagreement happy. The general idea is to eschew conventional notions of “winning” or “losing” a conflict, and instead figure out what is most important to you, and most important to the person you are in conflict with. Once you’ve done that, you can work together to come up with solutions that make both of you happy.

The basic tenets (as per Wikipedia) are as follows:

  • “Separate the people from the problem.”
  • “Focus on interests, not positions.”
  • “Invent options for mutual gain.”
  • “Insist on using objective criteria.”
  • “Know your BATNA (Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement)”

Theoretically, this will end up with you and the other party both getting what you want with nobody having to “lose.” And if that’s too much to handle, at least try to consider what the other person is trying to achieve and whether it will really cost you that much to give them what they want to get what you want.

Source: aletanorris

5. When in doubt, be kind. Hurt enacted as anger just breeds hurt, which just breeds more anger and yup, the cycle never ends and suddenly you’ve said and done things you never wanted to, and you feel like crap, which just leads to self-loathing, which can often lead you back to anger. So! Now that we know those are things you don’t want to have happen, you can actively work to stop the cycle by trying to remember kindness — to yourself and to the person you’re in conflict with. You don’t have to like everyone, but you can try to remember that everyone (okay, most everyone) is still just a confused, sensitive mass of humanity.

Original by Julie Gerstein

advicefeaturedlife advicemediationnegotiationrelationship issueswin
Lana Vrzic

Lana is a dedicated writer and Editor in Chief of TheFrisky, who has been with us from the beginning. Her diverse range of interests, from technology and business to health and wellness, allows her to bring a fresh perspective to each topic she covers.

previous post
8 Shameful Hygiene Secrets I Will (Apparently Not) Take To My Grave
next post
How To Negotiate: 12 Steps To Negotiate A Zillion Times Better And Get What You Want

Related Posts

Online Casinos: How To Play & Win

January 18, 2023

How to Find the Best Car Accident Lawyer...

July 13, 2022

Do’s And Don’ts For A Successful Divorce Mediation

June 30, 2022

Recent Posts

  • What To Expect When Working With A Professional ERC Specialist

    June 6, 2023
  • Does Artificial Intelligence Have Any Influence On Online Rummy?

    June 6, 2023
  • Advantages of Electric Wheelchairs Over Traditional Wheelchairs

    June 6, 2023
  • Best Exotic Casino Games in Summer 2023

    June 6, 2023
  • 5 Slot Machines to Avoid at the Casino: Protect Your Bankroll and Maximize Fun

    June 5, 2023
  • Unleash Your Inner Gamer: Explore the Best Online Slot Arcade Games

    June 5, 2023
  • The Power of Mentoring in Teacher Professional Development

    June 5, 2023
  • Unveiling the Mist: Understanding the Contrast Between E-Cigarettes and E-Shisha

    June 5, 2023

Categories

  • Accessories
  • Animals
  • Anime
  • Art
  • Astrology
  • Beard Care
  • Beauty
  • Betting
  • Biography
  • Blog
  • Business
  • Buying Guides
  • Cannabis
  • Cars
  • Casino
  • CBD
  • Celebs
  • Children
  • Citizenship
  • Clippers
  • Clothes
  • Computer
  • Couple Time
  • COVID-19
  • Crime
  • Crypto
  • Culture
  • Design
  • DIY
  • Economics
  • Education
  • Entertainment
  • Environment
  • Family
  • Fashion
  • Featured
  • Food
  • Food & Drink
  • Furniture
  • Galleries
  • Gambling
  • Games
  • Gardening
  • Gifts
  • Girl
  • Gossip
  • Guide
  • Guys
  • Hair
  • Hair Care Tips
  • Hair Dryers
  • Hair loss
  • Hairstyles
  • Health
  • Highlights
  • History
  • Hobby
  • Home
  • Horoscopes
  • Hot Rollers
  • How to …
  • Industry
  • Internet
  • Interview
  • Law
  • Legal Advice
  • Life
  • Lifestyle
  • Love & Sex
  • Love Your Self
  • Makeup
  • Marketing
  • Medicine
  • Mind & Body
  • Money
  • Motorcycle
  • Movies
  • Moving
  • Music
  • Nails
  • Net Worth
  • News
  • Parenting
  • People
  • Pets
  • Photography
  • Products for Hair
  • Real Estate
  • Recipes
  • Relationships
  • Religion
  • Royals
  • SEO
  • Shopping
  • Skincare
  • Sports
  • Studying
  • Style
  • Super Stars
  • Tech
  • Technology
  • The Body
  • Tips
  • Tips & Tricks
  • Tools
  • Toys
  • Travel
  • Type
  • Uncategorized
  • Vehicle
  • Video
  • VR
  • Wedding

Contact us:

santosmilewa [at] demotix.com

Footer Logo
  • About Us
  • Latest
  • Contact Us
  • Terms and Conditions
  • Privacy Policy

© 2023 - All Right Reserved.

TheFrisky.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. Amazon, the Amazon logo, AmazonSupply, and the AmazonSupply logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.

We at TheFrisky participate in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may earn commissions on products or services that we recommend or promote through our website. When you click on a link to purchase a product or service that we have recommended or promoted, we may earn a commission from the sale. This commission helps us maintain and improve our website and provide you with valuable information and resources.

The Frisky
  • Home
  • News
  • Health
  • Celebs
  • Movies
  • Love
  • Relationships
  • Style
  • Entertainment
  • Parenting
  • Royals
  • Travel
© 2023 - All Right Reserved.

TheFrisky.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. Amazon, the Amazon logo, AmazonSupply, and the AmazonSupply logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.

We at TheFrisky participate in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may earn commissions on products or services that we recommend or promote through our website. When you click on a link to purchase a product or service that we have recommended or promoted, we may earn a commission from the sale. This commission helps us maintain and improve our website and provide you with valuable information and resources.
We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.OkNoPrivacy policy

Terms and Conditions - Privacy Policy