It’s hard to use the term “soul mate” without feeling like  you should be wearing a cape and meditating over a crystal. We’ve considered the concept extensively — both independently and together over Gchat — and we are of the same mind on the matter:  Not only do soul mates exist but all of us have more than one soul mate out there. And to quote “Annie” (kind of), “A life without soul mates is like a night without stars” — a very dark night. But don’t think because you are single that you’ve been left out of the soul mate phenomenon. It’s limiting to think that merging with your other half must be romantic in nature. Soul mates can be lovers, friends, family members or even pets. While the universe might help us out in our quest to find them, it’s up to us to make sure we connect with them. Soul mate relationships seem so meant to be that it’s hard to imagine ever not knowing that person once you do. But just to be safe, below are some tips for making sure your soul mates in life don’t pass you by.

1. Instant recognition. Ami met her soul mate best friend 16 years ago on the first week of college when she made a snarky joke and her friend was the only person who laughed. One thing that’s true of all soul mates, whether they’re romantic or platonic, is that they will understand you better than anyone else. This feeling of mutual understanding often occurs almost instantly, and it only gets deeper and truer as you get to know each other better. What starts as a shared laugh at a snarky joke could lead to a lifetime of mutual laughter. Pay attention to those little moments of instant connection with people–you never know where they might take you!

2. Coincidences surround you. When you’re spending time with your soul mate, you’ll notice that the world is like a highway just for you. There will be road signs guiding you on your route. There will be coincidences everywhere. If you say, “I love so-and-so song!” You’ll be at a coffee shop one hour later and that song — as obscure as it may be — will be playing. If you’re talking about your mutual love of “90210,” you’ll sit down to dinner at a restaurant and notice that the dude sitting next to you is wearing a “90210” sweatshirt. If you’re playing Trivial Pursuit, you’ll pull out the same card two times in a row. These are all real-life examples, by the way. But you get the point: the universe is sending you little affirmations that the two of you are meant to be playing Trivial Pursuit together for the rest of eternity. Don’t ignore the road signs.

3. A gut instinct. Many couples who have been married for decades describe a sense of knowing their partner was “the one” the moment they met, but this feeling can take other forms as well. You might just feel a little wave of intensity, or your heart might beat a little faster when you meet your future soul mate pet at a shelter. Don’t ignore those gut feelings.

4. A feeling of urgency or magnetism. When you’re in the vicinity of a soul mate, you will probably feel drawn to them or pulled toward them. You might feel a sense of urgency, like “I must talk to that person RIGHT NOW.” It’s easy to toss these feelings aside when they come out of nowhere or don’t seem to make sense, but do us a favor, OK? Even if it goes against all logic, act on those instincts. When Winona’s friend saw her soul mate walking into an art gallery, she found herself instantly transfixed on him. Though she’s usually extremely shy, she followed him in and eventually asked him out.  In general, when the universe nudges you down a path, follow it.

5. You’re in the wrong place at the wrong time, to be in the right place at the right time. Soul mate meetings often start with some kind of hiccup in your daily routine, or something going wrong, or your best laid plans falling apart. When you look back though, you’ll realize all that perceived inconvenience was totally meant to be. Winona was so upset when she didn’t get into a writing class she wanted, but when she begrudgingly signed up for a different class, she ended up sitting by the person who would become her soul mate BFF. A friend of Ami’s met her current boyfriend when her usual bus stop was closed and she was forced to get on at a different station. The fact is, sometimes we have to take a convoluted, slightly annoying path to meet the people we’re supposed to meet. But it’s always worth it in the end.

6. Premonition. Often times, you’ll have a premonition of meeting your soul mate before you do in the form of a dream or a déjà vu type of sensation. A friend of Winona’s actually wrote a journal entry describing her ideal guy–physical and personality traits–and ended up meeting him two days later. And Ami knows someone who had a dream about her future boyfriend years before they met — describing him by name, appearance and the circumstances of their meeting. If you’re not into psychic mumbo jumbo, that’s fine, but you may find yourself having some kind feeling like you’ve known this person forever.

[Flamingo picture from Shutterstock]