I spent most of last week being confused/disturbed by Panty O’s new kegel panties, which allow you to exercise your vaginal muscles while you wear the underwear. I found this frightening, but then I received a press release for the Magic Banana. Never heard of it? I hadn’t either. It’s a flexible accessory for “strengthening your inner magical muscles.” I’m not going to get anymore detailed, but I think you should watch the instructional video. Just do it. It uses the phrase “in the smiling position.” So it’s marketed as a kegel exerciser that is supposed to help you achieve multiple orgasms.
The Magic Banana led me down a kegel wormhole. Pun intended. Let me warn you, most kegel exercise products are pastel and look like Medieval torture devices. But if your vagina’s been slacking off, you might want to check out some of the products available to work the lazy girl out.
Touche Kegel Exerciser
Look! Giant, hot pink sperms! Actually, they are p**sy weights for vaginal toning. Do we even need to mention the name? [$29.99 Dr. Leonard’s]
The purple rose does not make this phallic flat iron look any less threatening. Oh, and FYI, Teri Hatcher uses it. So it must be good. [Kegelmasters]
Kegel Exercise Weights
Or do they mean vagina Christmas lights? [$59.95 Amazon]
Energie Kegel Barbell
That’s what I want. A weighted, pastel dog bone I can put in my vagina. [$21.69 Amazon]
Super Kegel Exerciser
This one helps tone and strengthen the pelvic floor and slims the butt, thighs and lower abdominal muscles at the same time. It also looks like a speculum. [$29 Verseo]
Kegel8 Exercise Cones
I’m not sure how these work, but I feel like there must be dancing involved considering these look like maracas. [$31 Kegel8]
Original by Ami Angelowicz