Romance is dead.
That’s the consensus you could draw from five minutes on the dating scene. Instead of butterflies, hormones seem to be driving our coupling up. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing if all you want is sexual gratification. I’m only human: there’s been times I’ve just needed a roll in the hay. But I’m also a woman who loves romance — traditional, old school, stars-in-my-eyes romance — and I speak from personal experience that it’s not easy to find.
Alas, both men and women have forgotten how to woo each other. I wholeheartedly agreed with the actress Emma Watson when she told Vogue recently, “I’m a feminist, but I think that romance has been taken away a bit for my generation.”
Yesterday Amelia published a post called “Dating Don’ts: These 7 Romantic Gestures Need To Go.” Here in The Frisky’s office, we spent all morning fighting about it. A few of my fellow Frisky ladies would run for the hills if a dude bought them chocolate, serenaded them with a song [No, only a song that he misinterpreted as romantic. — Editor], or showered rose petals on their bed. But me? That sounds like my perfect guy.
I respectfully disagree with you, Amelia, that romantic gestures can be cheesy or infantilizing. Romance is about stimulating the senses, creating an aura, and drawing someone in. Romance does not have to be dead, people! After the jump, five romantic gestures that need to stay.
- Please do scatter rose petals on my bed and buy a year’s supply chocolate. Nothing is easier than giving a woman a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates — and it’s such a nice surprise! I love it when a guy shows he’s been thinking about me. Even a relatively inexpensive bouquet of something like carnations is sweet. It’s the thought that counts! However, Amelia is concerned that romantic gestures like rose petals strewn on her bed will ruin her expensive sheets. “My sheets and duvet cover are Dwell and they cost more than the roses you just slaughtered,” she wrote. “Rose petals stain when they’re mashed into fabric.” I guess I feel differently because my sheets from Target aren’t so fancy. Dead flower petals and melted chocolate stains don’t concern me if the end result is passion.
- Please do feed me. Amelia’s particular complaint is that feeding each other is “infantilizing.” I know I am perfectly capable of feeding myself. But feeding each other dessert — or even a dinner one of us cooked — excites the senses of taste. It’s very intimate and naturally puts you in the mood to stimulate some other senses. (Don’t worry, you can do the dishes later.)
- Please do buy me lingerie. Why don’t more men buy their girlfriends and wives lingerie? If you think a woman is gorgeous, take a peek into her underwear drawer to find the right bra and panty sizes and surprise her with some pretty lingerie. I don’t understand at all the women who get “offended” that a gift of lingerie is really a gift for their man. (I sense these are women who go to sleep in T-shirts and sweatpants every night?) It’s a man’s way of telling you he thinks you’re sexy! One of my girl friends lives near a lingerie shop and is friendly with the owner. She’ll stop by and tell the owner what she likes; her boyfriend will drop by at other times and get the 411 on which styles my friend is admiring. As I understand it, she has an amazing lingerie collection and an amazing sex life with her thoughtful dude. I’m madly jealous!
- Please do get in the bathtub with me. Just like feeding each other food, soaking in warm water together also stimulates the senses. Amelia thinks soaking in each other’s filth is gross. I understand — that’s why you can rinse off in the shower first. A long, languorous soak in the bathtub is so relaxing and a perfect setting for foot rubs and deep conversation. One of my favorite romantic memories from my most recent ex-boyfriend is the time we housesat for his parents and soaked together in their tub while eating fresh figs drizzled in honey. Doesn’t that sound lovely? It was.
- Please do serenade me with a song that you think is romantic. I don’t care what Amelia says; if Ryan Gosling appeared at her door with his ukelele and sang “Your Song,” she would melt into a puddle. Likewise, musically-inclined future dudes I may date are encouraged to woo me with a love song. I know most men don’t sing or an play instrument. Still, you’re in luck! All you have to do is dim the lights and slow dance to a romantic song with me in your living room. Another one of my favorite romantic memories is when an ex-boyfriend (a different one) and I slow danced to KT Tunstall’s song “Universe + U” in his bedroom. That ex and I broke up years ago but every time that song comes on my iPod, I think back to that one night when he held each other and swayed to that song.
So there you go. All this romance is the key to my heart, at least. I guess this means Amelia and I will never fight over the same man. Except Jon Hamm. (He’s mine, bitch.)
Original by Jessica Wakeman