You instinctively know that the relationship has run its course and you no longer want to make plans for the future with your current partner, but that still doesn’t make it any easier to come right out and say that you want a divorce.
Many of us really struggle to find the right moment, or even the right words, to initiate that important conversation that gets our feelings out in the open so that you can talk about how to make the split as painless as possible.
Everyone’s experience of divorce is likely to be unique and family lawyers at pearsonslawyers.com.au can help guide you through the legal process once you know that divorce is the course you both agree on. Before that, you have to find a way to bring matters to a head and have “the talk”.
Here are some pointers on how to get the conversation started and what sort of things you need to cover once your feelings on getting divorced are out in the open.
Make your own mind up first of all
There’s a world of difference between having a fallout about something and feeling like you want to end the relationship and actually deciding that having taken a long hard look at how the marriage has deteriorated, a divorce is definitely what you want.
A good tip is to get the decision right in your own mind before attempting to have a conversation with your partner about getting a divorce.
You need to be sure in your own mind that your time together has run its course.
What can happen when you start to talk about the possibility of divorce is that as a result of talking to your partner about your concerns and the way you feel about the state of your relationship, you could feasibly end up fixing the problems or agreeing on a way to try and patch up your differences.
You need to be prepared for all scenarios and have certainty in your own mind that you want to ask for a divorce before you arrange to have one of the most challenging conversations you are likely to have.
Understand exactly what the divorce process involves
Another important factor to take into consideration is the fact that getting a divorce can be challenging and confusing, with all sorts of legal hurdles to overcome while you are battling with the emotional turmoil of the situation at the same time.
It would be a good idea to have a confidential conversation with a legal professional who has a good understanding of what the divorce process involves in your state.
Even if you don’t go ahead straight away with divorce, having a good idea of what is involved and the consequences of your actions, financially and practically, in terms of access to any children you have, for instance, will help you feel that you are sure it is what you want and what it means to file for divorce.
The time and the place
Once you have everything clear in your mind and want to get your feelings out in the open and have a discussion with your partner about a divorce, it is important to try and pick the right place and the right time to have such an important and emotionally charged conversation.
It can be stressed enough that picking the right time and place for such a difficult talk can often be critical to how well the conversation goes and how civil the discussion remains.
Even if the relationship has been under great strain for some while and you are not on great terms with each other it is still going to be very emotional.
Pick a setting where you can have a private conversation away from the public eye and other family members. Make sure you are both sober and don’t attempt to raise the topic of divorce if you have just had a row and you are both upset and stressed.
Talking about wanting a divorce is something that needs to be done in the most comfortable and conducive setting possible for a positive conversation and outcome.
Threatening divorce during an argument is never a good idea, for the obvious reason that it is such a serious measure. It is much better to pick the right time and place so that the conversation is taken seriously and your partner knows you are serious about wanting to file for divorce.
The uncomfortable truth
Having made the difficult decision that you want a divorce and had time to know that it is an outcome that you really want it is imperative that you take an honest and direct approach to the discussion.
It is almost always the case that finding a way to amicably resolve your differences so that you can agree on a way forward with a suitable divorce settlement is the best way to approach the discussions.
It is far better than the discovery of your intentions comes from you directly rather than relying on someone to serve divorce papers on your partner as a way of breaking the news.
Don’t rush the process
Having started that very difficult conversation and got the subject of divorce out in the open it makes sense to give each a little bit of time to digest the news and prepare for what lies ahead.
This will give both of you the opportunity to get your emotions under better control and think straight about the best way to achieve a divorce that makes the best of a bad situation.
It is often a big concern that one of you is going to come out worse than the other as a result of divorcing.
These can certainly be legitimate concerns and that is another good reason for talking to a family lawyer so that you know how things are likely to work out once you have filed for divorce.
Getting such a tricky conversation started is always going to be difficult but if you go about it the right way and pick your moment, it will improve the odds of finding an amicable solution.