The Frisky
  • Home
  • News
  • Health
  • Celebs
  • Movies
  • Love
  • Relationships
  • Style
  • Entertainment
  • Parenting
  • Royals
  • Travel
  • About Us
  • Latest
  • Contact Us
The Frisky
  • Home
  • News
  • Health
  • Celebs
  • Movies
  • Love
  • Relationships
  • Style
  • Entertainment
  • Parenting
  • Royals
  • Travel
Style

Emily Postmodern: How To Have A Wedding Without Becoming An Asshole

by Wendy Stokes November 3, 2018
by Wendy Stokes November 3, 2018

You’re getting married? Congratulations … oh wait, best wishes? I can never remember what you are supposed to say to the lady — let’s just go with YAY!

Hold up, you aren’t excited? You’re already stressed out by expectations and pressure from family and friends? You want to have a wedding that reflects you and your partner, celebrates the commitment you are making, and includes the people who are important to you but doesn’t cost a fortune for you or your guests?

These are totally reasonable concerns. I read recently that on average a wedding guest spends between six and seven hundred dollars to attend a wedding. I am sure that number is bumped up by the occasional destination wedding, but it is probably not too far from the combined cost of a gift, outfit, and travel for your typical out-of-town wedding, even if you aren’t a member of the wedding party.

So, how does a couple throw the perfect party for their loved ones without costing them a small fortune and coming off as completely self-involved? Issues around children’s attendance, the wedding party, and wedding related events were revealed as the most divisive by quick survey of my immediate social circle.

When it comes to including or excluding children from a wedding it is important to consider the event itself. An afternoon outdoor celebration with barbecue buffet is a bit more child-accommodating than a formal five-course meal. Will not being able to bring their children keep some of your guests from attending? Maybe. Childcare costs for an evening or a weekend away can be prohibitive. What if including children messes with your headcount? Depending on your situation and budget, consider reserving an extra hotel room and hiring your teenage neighbor to babysit for the evening. The cost of that plus a few pizzas will probably be cheaper than your per-person reception cost and will allow your guests with children to enjoy themselves as adults for the evening without having to duck out early at bedtime.

You might not want children at your wedding, but traditionally weddings are family events and many people might just assume their children are included. Providing a childcare arrangement for your guests makes you look both thoughtful and keeps little hands from testing the icing on your wedding cake. On the other hand, you might be disappointed that your friends with kids decide to leave them at home with the babysitter for the night, and while you certainly don’t want to interrupt anyone’s sleep training schedule, let your friends know if you are intentionally hosting a kid-friendly wedding.

When you are asked to be a member of someone’s wedding party it feels like both an honor and a burden. You are excited for your friend, but you can’t help but mentally start crunching numbers in the back of your mind. The most low-key event can still add up with the cost of a dress, a gift, and a pre-wedding ladies’ dinner or night out. As a bride, how do you let your wedding party know you don’t expect them to shoulder your costs for a spa day or a weekend away?

Here’s a crazy idea: Why don’t you tell them!? If you are asking someone to be your attendent at your wedding hopefully you are close enough to discuss these things, or at least deputize your maid of honor to let everyone know you plan to pay your own way. Don’t be afraid to ask your attendants what works for them and what doesn’t. Presumably these are people you like and enjoy spending time with so why not take a quick survey to see what everyone’s expects. If that weekend in Atlantic City is that important you might have to subsidize it if you want everyone to come along.

Speaking of that trip to Atlantic City, let’s talk about the activities surrounding your wedding. It is hard enough to pick a wedding date that works for all of your family and friends, but when you start trying to plan showers and parties, finding a date that works is like waiting for a rare cosmic alignment. In this situation it can be tempting to have multiple events: a bridal shower in your hometown and in the town you live in, for example. Now, you certainly can’t say no if your mom’s best friend (or your best friend’s mom) wants to host you a hometown shower, but maybe try to keep the duplicate events to a minimum. If you really want to have a stock-the-bar party, make that you engagement party or your co-ed shower for your local friends and leave the tea and petit fours to the ladies from your mom’s book club.

Basically, every time there is a party — even if you specify no gifts — people will feel obligated to bring one. The more parties had in your honor, the more gifts it looks like you are expecting. Don’t be greedy. Stay tuned for our next column on wedding gifts in an age of conspicuous consumption.

Original by @juliannarose

emily postmodernetiquettemannerson not being a jerlkwedding season approachingwedding season hereweddings
Wendy Stokes

previous post
WWJDD: “I’m Worried I’m A Nymphomaniac”
next post
These Are The Lipsticks Of Our Lives

Related Posts

Casino Etiquette 101: How to Behave Like a...

February 27, 2023

Romantic Gifts That Will Make Her Heart Skip...

August 27, 2022

6 Dreamy Wedding Photography Shots For Your Elopement

December 2, 2020

Recent Posts

  • What Are My Chances of Winning the House When Playing Casino Games

    March 29, 2023
  • Transform Your Car into Cash: Top 5 Tips for Selling in Toronto

    March 29, 2023
  • From Toy to Treasure: Are Lightsabers the Perfect Gift for Star Wars Fans?

    March 29, 2023
  • Rules for Helping Your Child Deal with Divorce 

    March 29, 2023
  • Vikki Gerrard La Crosse, WI Explores Different Types Of Organic Fruits And Vegetables You Can Grow At Home

    March 29, 2023
  • 7 Benefits Of Support Groups For Those Suffering From Alcohol Addiction

    March 29, 2023
  • Potential Benefits of Investing in a Home Solar Energy System

    March 29, 2023
  • 13 Things to Purchase for Your Homeschool Science Lab

    March 29, 2023

Categories

  • Accessories
  • Animals
  • Anime
  • Art
  • Astrology
  • Beard Care
  • Beauty
  • Betting
  • Biography
  • Blog
  • Business
  • Buying Guides
  • Cannabis
  • Cars
  • Casino
  • CBD
  • Celebs
  • Children
  • Citizenship
  • Clippers
  • Clothes
  • Computer
  • Couple Time
  • COVID-19
  • Crime
  • Crypto
  • Culture
  • Design
  • DIY
  • Economics
  • Education
  • Entertainment
  • Environment
  • Family
  • Fashion
  • Featured
  • Food
  • Food & Drink
  • Furniture
  • Galleries
  • Gambling
  • Games
  • Gardening
  • Gifts
  • Girl
  • Gossip
  • Guide
  • Guys
  • Hair
  • Hair Care Tips
  • Hair Dryers
  • Hair loss
  • Hairstyles
  • Health
  • Highlights
  • History
  • Hobby
  • Home
  • Horoscopes
  • Hot Rollers
  • How to …
  • Industry
  • Internet
  • Interview
  • Law
  • Legal Advice
  • Life
  • Lifestyle
  • Love & Sex
  • Love Your Self
  • Makeup
  • Marketing
  • Medicine
  • Mind & Body
  • Money
  • Motorcycle
  • Movies
  • Moving
  • Music
  • Nails
  • Net Worth
  • News
  • Parenting
  • People
  • Pets
  • Photography
  • Products for Hair
  • Real Estate
  • Recipes
  • Relationships
  • Religion
  • Royals
  • SEO
  • Shopping
  • Skincare
  • Sports
  • Studying
  • Style
  • Super Stars
  • Tech
  • Technology
  • The Body
  • Tips
  • Tips & Tricks
  • Tools
  • Toys
  • Travel
  • Type
  • Uncategorized
  • Vehicle
  • Video
  • VR
  • Wedding

Contact us:

santosmilewa [at] demotix.com

Footer Logo
  • About Us
  • Latest
  • Contact Us

© 2023 - All Right Reserved.

TheFrisky.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. Amazon, the Amazon logo, AmazonSupply, and the AmazonSupply logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.

We at TheFrisky participate in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may earn commissions on products or services that we recommend or promote through our website. When you click on a link to purchase a product or service that we have recommended or promoted, we may earn a commission from the sale. This commission helps us maintain and improve our website and provide you with valuable information and resources.

The Frisky
  • Home
  • News
  • Health
  • Celebs
  • Movies
  • Love
  • Relationships
  • Style
  • Entertainment
  • Parenting
  • Royals
  • Travel
© 2023 - All Right Reserved.

TheFrisky.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. Amazon, the Amazon logo, AmazonSupply, and the AmazonSupply logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.

We at TheFrisky participate in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may earn commissions on products or services that we recommend or promote through our website. When you click on a link to purchase a product or service that we have recommended or promoted, we may earn a commission from the sale. This commission helps us maintain and improve our website and provide you with valuable information and resources.