Most married couples suggest not allowing any issues to go overnight without getting settled. Even if it’s difficult, these issues need to get discussed in bed. The next day needs to start with a clean slate. Otherwise, previous issues will continue to snowball and remain unresolved.
Whether you just got married or you’ve been together for a long time, it’s inevitable to have issues that you need to resolve. If you follow the advice of not allowing anything to remain unresolved before the night ends, these are some important tips you need to follow.
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Calm yourself down first
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You can’t express yourself when you’re at the peak of your emotions. Gather your thoughts and relax before you start the conversation. Otherwise, it will end in a screaming match. You won’t resolve anything. You will even make things worse by bringing up unrelated issues. You have to let go of your emotions and be logical in the discussion.
Set a goal
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For some couples, it might be too much to ask to resolve issues in an hour. You might still be at the height of your anger, and your partner too. You need to set a goal for that night so that you will still accomplish something. You can decide to at least start the conversation and bring up a few points. If you can’t get through all of the conflicting ideas, it’s okay. You can always deal with them the next day.
Always talk from a place of love
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You have to remember that the point of the discussion isn’t to prove that you’re right. The goal is to show that you love each other, and you don’t want to worsen the situation. Also, you have to think about the future of your family and what could happen if you don’t settle your differences. Take your pride away, and you will have a great conversation.
Start by talking about other topics
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If you don’t want to deal with the problem straight away, you could discuss other topics first. Since you’re already in the bedroom, you might want to bring up your plans to remodel. You think that your bedroom looks so small, and it needs to expand. You can also bring up the idea that you intend to have a built-in closet installed like the ones you can find at www.myfittedbedroom.com. These are light topics, but still, a good way to start a conversation. Once you have already settled those issues, you can move on to the more difficult topics.
Don’t interrupt one another
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It doesn’t matter if you think that your partner is talking nonsense. You have to respect your partner while talking and wait for your turn to talk. You can’t interrupt each other or talk over one another. You won’t accomplish anything if you allow it to become a screaming match. Your intention is to clarify issues and to settle differences. Therefore, you need to relax and wait for your time to respond.
Think of what you will say first
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You can’t respond just because you want to prove you’re right, or you have a counter-argument in mind. Pause for a while and think if the response is appropriate. If you think it will bring up more hurtful topics, you should hold your tongue. Rethink what you’re about to say and look for better words.
Don’t sleep or walkout
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Yes, it’s late in the evening, and you want to rest because you still have a lot of challenges to face the next day. However, you already decided to talk about the issue, so you need to focus. Control your urge to sleep since it shows how disengaged you are. It also shows that you don’t really mean what you say. Also, even if you’re angry and you want to walk away, you shouldn’t. You need to stay because you want to clear the air. Walking out might help you calm down, but it doesn’t settle anything. If you’re angry and you think you will say something terrible, pause for a moment.
Make sure you end the night being at peace with each other
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Resolving a serious issue in a few hours of discussion is close to impossible. You could postpone the conversation to another day if both of you decide that it would be better. Besides, you can’t argue if you already feel exhausted. However, even if you can’t resolve the issues, you need to make sure that you’re okay with each other. You have to end the night, no longer feeling hurt. You can delay the conflict resolution, but you can’t end everything on an angry note. It will also be difficult to put yourself to sleep when your heart is still filled with rage.
Always think about the future of your family
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Regardless of the issue, you have to think about the bigger picture. Don’t immediately conclude that it’s time for you to part ways and call for a divorce. You might regret rushing that decision. You have to think about what will happen if you decide to split. Your kids will be in the middle of these issues. They don’t deserve to get left out because you can’t manage your problems as a couple. You promised to be with each other for better or for worse. This is just a bump in the road, and you can overcome it. If the problem is already serious and the issue is recurring, it’s the only time for you to consider parting ways.
For now, the goal is to solve the problem and find a way to move forward and put your differences aside. Besides, you’re hurting now because you love each other so much. You won’t feel that way if you no longer care about your family. Remember that the opposite of love doesn’t hate, but apathy. Therefore, your hatred right now is a sign that love is still there, and there’s a desire to correct the problem.
