The CW could have made television masturbation history if its new pilot for 16th century-based castle drama “Reign” had aired as planned. But unfortunately, the scene was so explicit that it made the press blush. In the uncut version, handmaid Kenna diddles herself in a stairwell only to be discovered by the King of France, who offers to assist her with the task, obviously.
So as not to outrage the Parents Television Council, the network made an executive decision to edit the scene down to nothing more than innuendo — a quick cut to the King’s hand reaching for Kenna’s privates. Womp, womp, womp. Maybe someday network TV will grow a large enough pair to show a handmaiden pleasuring herself, but for now, we’ll have to rely on cable TV.
See bellow some self-pleasure scenes that we were allowed to see in their entirety. [EW]
1. Marnie’s Bathroom Diddle On “Girls”
When Booth warned Marnie, “I want you to know, the first time I fuck you, I might scare you a little, because I’m a man and I know how to do things,” she got so hot and bothered that she had to run away and touch herself in the bathroom of an art gallery. Booth wasn’t kidding. When he fucked her, he scared all of us with his bizarre pillow talk. And not in a good way.
2. Sally Draper’s Self-Exploration On “Mad Men”
Poor Sally Draper was caught copping a feel on the couch during a friend’s slumber party. Naturally, Betty threatened to cut her fingers off when she got sent home. Not traumatizing AT ALL.
3. Betty Draper Gets Her Kicks, Too
Betty Draper parents by the “do as I say, not as I do” method. Even though she shamed her daughter for masturbating several seasons later, let’s not forget that Betty had her own kicks with the washing machine early in the series. While fantasizing about a traveling salesman, no less.
4. Moira The Maid Cleans The Pipes On “American Horror Story”
To Vivian, Moira the maid looked like an old hag, but to Ben? A hot, young thing. Hey, it was horror show. Go with it. When Ben caught Moira mid-session, he had no choice but to jerk off and cry hysterically.
5. Sookie’s Dreams Of Vampires On “True Blood”
Nothing ruins the moment like touching yourself in bed, only to discover you’re being watched by your cat. Still, it seemed like Sookie Stackhouse (played by Anna Paquin) got some necessary pleasure from her erotic vampire dream. We get it – who hasn’t had a fantasy-themed fantasy? After all, there’s a reason that dragon sex toys are popular these days (like these ones from mrhankeystoys.com – if you’re curious).
6. Atia’s Fantasy On “Rome”
Actress Polly Walker, who played sexually manipulative Atia in “Rome” was shown exploring her fantasies in bed. But that was really nothing compared the full-frontal sex scene she did.
7. Charlotte’s Addiction And Samantha Listens To The Neighbors On “Sex and the City”
It seems like we saw every cast member of “Sex and the City” masturbate, didn’t we? Of all those diddles, we can’t forget the time Charlotte got addicted to her rabbit vibrator and of course, when Samantha had some fun listening to her neighbors have sex.