It’s “Love Yourself Week,” so of course we are going to channel our inner Oprahs for schmoopy listicles on the 30 things we love about ourselves. But usually when we talk about “loving yourself” here in the Frisky-verse, there’s something else we mean: masturbation.

Whether it’s with a vibrator, a dildo, fingers — or, heck, the contents of your produce drawer! — we are big fans of rubbing one out. As Woody Allen famously said, “Masturbation is sex with someone I love!” In the spirit of loving yourself in this very special way, we’ve constructed a helpful flowchart to help you decide whether you should masturbate right now. (Quickie answer? If you are reading this at the office, the answer is “no.”)

Original by Jessica Wakeman