I am thoroughly convinced that the moment you begin the process of moving, you can be written off by your loved ones as lost to temporary insanity until you’re settled in your new place. A huge chunk of the Frisky staff has made a move these past few months, so the stress is still unpleasantly fresh in our minds. If you’re about to find a new home, prepare yourself for these 17 stages of moving…
1. Strategizing. “I’ve been around the block enough times to know what to expect. I’m calm, I’m collected, and I will be so diligent and picky when looking for a new place, I swear. No panic here.”
2. Panic. “Every apartment I see sucks, I’m going to be homeless, I HAVE NO LIFE BECAUSE I AM OBSESSED WITH CHECKING LISTINGS EVERY TEN SECONDS. This is like the ‘Hunger Games’ only it’s me vs. every potential renter in this city.”
3. Bargaining. “Okay, okay, I don’t need a dishwasher! I’ll take anything as long as I have home, I’LL NEVER BE THAT PICKY AGAIN I SWEAR JUST SEND ME A GOOD APARTMENT, UNIVERSE!”
4. Finding a place! “This apartment is perfect! I’m so excited! So what if I forgot to check if the thermostat works or if the building was solid cause I was so excited just to find something I like? It’ll be fiiiine.”
5. The back and forth. “Am I making the right decision signing this lease? Maybe there’s something better. Maybe there’s NOTHING better. What do I doooooo?”
6. Sudden terror. “WHAT IF MY CREDIT IS SHIT AND I DON’T KNOW IT AND I GET REJECTED!?”
7. Emptied savings account. “Seriously, $5000 to move five blocks away, BEFORE moving costs?!”
8. Paranoia. “This broker seems by the books, but what if that deposit check I just handed over to him never makes it to the landlord and he’s really scamming me?”
9. Whining. “What a weird undignified world we live in that presumes a person would fork over actual cash for cardboard boxes.”
10. Denial. “I barely have any stuff, it won’t take me that long to pack….”
11. Realization. “How did I accumulate so much STUFF!? I’m never going to be able to pack all of this up in time!”
12. Crisis mode purge of possessions. “Set me free from all this junk I own, I never even use it! I don’t want to pack it. LET’S THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW AND DONATE IT ALL.”
13. Last-minute frenzy. “It’s moving day and I’m still not packed…screw it, whatever’s left over is going into trash bags and I’m not even labeling it.”
14. Disillusionment. “You’re all moved in and you realize that your dream apartment came along with a landlord who’s a cheapo jerk and a bunch of tiny infuriating things need to be fixed in the place.
15. Camping in your own house. “I thought I put all my most important stuff that I need for this week in one bag…but why isn’t my makeup or my shampoo in it? It’s been four days and I still haven’t found where I packed all my underwear. Why didn’t I stay organized!?”
16. Post-purge regret. “Why did I get rid of my favorite sweater? And all those cleaning supplies I thought were too heavy to pack but that I now just have to go out and buy again tomorrow?”
17. Glee. “I’m HOME! Let’s proceed to forget how horrible this experience was or the fact that I will ever have to move again, and make the next move terrible for my future self by restarting the process of hoarding stuff I don’t need and throwing out all the broken-down boxes I could be saving for next time. Denial is a beautiful thing, friends. Now let’s get to painting those new walls.”
Original by Claire Hannum @Claire_Hannum
