A woman in Warwick, Rhode Island, was greeted with an unexpected and horrifying mess in her bathroom when she came home one day to discover a wild turkey perched on her vanity. The industrious bird broke in through the window, turned on the water by accident and sat there for several hours, waiting for either the sweet release of death by slow drowning or for someone to come home, let his ass out and move on with their lives.

While I am glad that this turkey is safe, because I do not condone violence against animals, I will submit that this is terrifying. Birds are basically dinosaurs covered in feathers, squirrelly as hell and unpredictable in their movements, mood and temperament!!! Look at this turkey. He made such a mess. Bad turkey. Below, find an example of the only bird I tolerate.

Thankfully, the woman was not harmed, and the bird was removed safely. Lock your windows, friends. Watch your backs. Don’t let this happen to you. [WLNE]

By: Megan Reynolds