I remember being in high school when my best friend’s mom told us a story of a young woman she knew that did anal for the first time. She had just started college and was in her experimenting phase. She met a guy, dated him, and gave up the butt—literally. Well, things took a turn for the worst and homegirl wasn’t able to go number two properly ever again; She had to wear a colostomy bag. That story was told circa 1999 and has stayed with me since. It freaked me out for dear life and I permanently christened my backdoor as an exit-only lane.

If you’ve been thinking about trying anal sex, don’t let me discourage you. There are a lot of women who love getting it from the back and haven’t had any horror stories to tell. A Cosmo editor spoke with a few gals who have laid out the blueprint of what you should and shouldn’t do before taking it in the rear. These women (whose names have been changed) describe what they wish they knew before having anal sex so you won’t have to.

Kelly, 23
“If you’re trying it in hopes that it will bring a spark back to your relationship, it won’t.”

Danielle, 21
“Basically, like, the more lube the better. You have to lube that sh*t up.”

Emma, 23
“Do not use cinnamon flavored lube. I found out the hard way after my boyfriend used the cinnamon kind without telling me. I screamed and immediately ran into the shower to try and stop the burning.”

Jess, 22
“After the initial pain, there is definitely pleasure…”

Abigail, 27
“That you don’t have to do it doggy-style. In fact, that was way too painful for me the first time I tried. It ultimately worked when we got into missionary with me lifting my legs a bit. That way we could look at each other and he could see my face even if I wasn’t talking. It helped me feel supported and comfortable, even though it definitely hurt the first time.”

Maggie, 26
“That it is mind-blowingly pleasurable. When done with care and open communication, it can be amazing. I had always approached the idea with this stigma, that it was something girls begrudgingly did for a guy, not for themselves. Also, that there should be no shame in a woman enjoying it (which I still feel sometimes)”

Tanya, 25
“Don’t trust a fart for a few hours afterward. You might actually need a bathroom.”

Brianna, 28
“That you don’t sh*t right for days afterward.”

Megan, 23
“He was super respectful and really nice like it was a mutual thing, and so when I hear that some people feel like it’s their asshole being set on fire, it makes me think of when I was a teen and everyone was like, ‘The first time you have sex, you’re going to rip open your hymen and you’re going to cry because it hurts so bad.’ But I had sex with someone who was respectful then as well and wanted me to have a good time too, so it was very much a process of making sure it was good for both of us. Like yeah, maybe anal sex isn’t for everyone, but I also think it’s for more people than we think.”

Original by: Ashlee Miller