Ever have a bad day? Maybe someone cut you off on the way to work, your favorite show was canceled, the last cookie in the jar was covered in mold, or you broke a bone on vacation (sigh, that would be me). Whatever it is, it’s healthy to acknowledge what’s bothering you, but don’t linger there too long. Take a few minutes to sing the blues and move on, or you may find yourself hosting a sad, pathetic pity party for one.
Here are 10 signs your hosting a pity party right now:
1. You’ve Stocked Up: Alcohol doesn’t fix anything and that is why it’s your BFF tonight.
2. Yum, A Half-Ass Snack: Nothing is more pathetic than eating Ritz crackers out of the box because you are too sad to find anything with nutritional value. Worse yet, you’ve topped your butter crackers with slices of cold butter, to hell with the health implications.
3. Dress To Depress: You’re sporting your rattiest pajamas with the biggest holes. Your ex’s gym shorts with the stretched out elastic waistband would never abandon you in your hour of need.
4. You’ve Cut Yourself Off: From talking on the phone, that is. You actively avoid answering any calls, as you’d never let one of the people you love ruin this party by trying and failing to cheer you up.
5. One Way Conversations: But you do call friends who will just let you bitch about the sad state of your life. Best case scenario, they don’t answer the phone and you can rant to their voicemail.
6. Negative Thought Spiral: You’ve turned your woes into a meditative mantra — whyyyyy Godddd whyyyy what did I do to deserve thisssss – and are stuck on repeat.
7. Fueling The Fire: You find yourself browsing your happiest Facebook friends’ profiles and compare your sad existence to their perfectly posed one.
8. Take A Hate Skate: You start stalking people you don’t like on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram or Twitter to wallow in what horrible things they’re up to.
9. Everybody Hurts:You’ve made a tragic Spotify playlist consisting of songs like “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M. or “Fix You” by Coldplay and have it on repeat.
10. Performance Art: You stare into the mirror while ugly crying. Just because.
Have you gotten all the wallowing out of your system yet? Good. Now answer your cell phone, brush your hair, get some fresh air, enjoy some sorbet, and contemplate all the things you have to be thankful for. It’s okay to smile again. Things can only get better from here.
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