Yesterday, I told you all the things ladies worry about when it comes to their bodies. But I know women aren’t the only ones who struggle with their looks. ModernMan.com tried to break down what women actually think is nasty, and I’m not going to argue with busted toe nails and nose hair. But there are a few manly things that have gotten a bad rap. So, stop sweating it, dudes. We are here to set the record straight on what we women really think about the way you men look.
- It Takes Gut: Ladies have permanent baby fat, pudge for when we’re pregnant that we can’t do anything about. Every woman is insecure about it, so do you think we’re going to start pointing fingers at your gut? Oh hell no! Plus, we like it when you’re fatter than us. That way, we don’t have to worry that you think we’re too fat, which, as you may have noticed, made up about two-thirds of our list of insecurities.
- The Bald And The Beautiful: Bald is sexy. But not if you ruin it by trying to hide it with a rug or a comb-over. Just embrace your Jean-Luc Picard — the ladies will love it!
- Acne Scars: OK, I’m going to get a little personal here, but it’s for a good cause. When I see a guy with acne scars, I have to ask myself, “Do I want to bone him just for the scars or am I actually interested in the rest of him?” Yes. This is true. For me, the more scars, the better! Acutane is ruining my sex life.
- Love Handles: First of all, they’re on your back, which we see, like, never. Second of all, you know all those crazy sex positions we like so much? What do you think I’m holding on to for balance? They’re called love handles for a reason, people.
- Hot & Sweaty: First, sweat makes sex better. Second, everyone sweats. Third, just be glad you don’t get boob sweat. Which brings me to my next point …
- Moob Over: I know a lot of guys who obsess over their pecs or lack thereof. Gentlemen, you of all people should know, everyone likes a good handful.
- Back Hair-Do: I agree with Miss Amelia: back hair is manly. Or as she would argue, “It’s kinda hot.”
- Chest Hair-Do: If you’re still worrying about your man carpet, you clearly didn’t see the “Nerd Girl Porn: Hot Men Rocking Chest Hair” post we did last week or this one from last year.
- Facial Hair-Do: On the flip side of the hair coin, especially since the hipsters have really brought back the hobo beard and the ‘stache, a lot of dudes feel left out if they’re too patchy for the trend. Well, let me tell you, honey, if you have a beard, goatee, or crazy-ass mustache, I’m going to let my crotch garden grow. No way am I going to drop cash money on a bikini wax — so there! Honestly, whose dealbreaker is facial hair?
- Penis Size: Schlongs are like money; those who have a lot don’t know how to spend it! Seriously, a man with a big d**k is like a trust fund kid — lazy, isn’t willing to work for it, rests on his laurels — boring! I’d rather do a broke guy who is a hard worker, if you know what I mean.