10 Things You Think About When You Are Sick

I was sick with a crap cold all last week and hopped up on spacey combo of Sudafed and Benadryl (the magic recipe is Sudafed during the day, Benadryl for sleep). It might be the wacky weather, or my generally pathetic immune system, but either way, my brain felt funny and snot-filled. Last week, I took a sick day. Here’s my ridiculous inner monologue from that day…

1. How can the body produce this much snot?
2. How can you be both so cold, but so hot?
3. I’m home sick and I’ve already seen this episode of “The View.” What are the chances?
4. Is it possible that I’ve seen every single episode of “Law and Order?” I’ve definitely seen this one. It’s the gay preacher’s wife.
5. What is the concept of “The Chew”? Gross name.
6. Whatever happened to Anna Friel? She is so good in this movie, “Me Without You.” She kind of looks like a weird combo between Scarlett Johansson and Chloe Sevigny. I wonder if she and Michelle Williams still keep in touch. I wonder if she’s actually British, and if Michelle Williams’ accent bothered her.
7. I have the uncontrollable urge to clean my house, as if that will somehow excise my cold. Where is this cookie from?
8. I’m not hungry, but I know I should eat. Feed a cold and starve a fever, right?
9. Being sick totally justifies paying for On Demand movies. I’m going to watch “The Moth Diaries.” Lily Cole is so intense-looking. Is it that her mouth is really tiny or that her face is really large?
10. Seriously, how much snot can one body produce?

Original by Julie Gerstein