My whole dating strategy the past few years has been to act like a kid in a penny candy store. I’ve been bagging any man who looks tasty, just getting a couple bites, then moving on to the next flavor. They’ve all been sweet, but, frankly, I’m starting to get a toothache. Now that I’ve really seen what’s out there on the market, I’ve been able to narrow down the ones I have no chance of ever finding, wooing, or making it work with. Here’s who I’ve got so far…
1. Male model
2. Billionaire
3. Bounty hunter (I’m a good girl, I swear)
4. Stand-up comedian who is actually funny
5. Guy who uses all those little sauce packets that come with Chinese take-out so I don’t have to feel guilty about always throwing them out
6. An explorer
7. Sexy snowboarder named Shaun White
8. Actually, any pro athlete for that matter
9. Newspaper man
10. Magician whose appeal isn’t an illusion
11. Lumberjack—and not just a guy with a beard and a plaid shirt
12. Dancer
13. Surfer
14. Fancy shoe maker
15. Juicehead guido who wouldn’t fist-bump at our wedding
16. Dude who does not like to do it with the light on
17. Reality show “winner”
18. Astronaut Mike Dexter
19. Rock star who doesn’t cheat
20. Bartender, whilst he’s sober
21. Plastic surgeon
22. Politician (I’ve got some photos on the internet that explain why … )
23. Man who does not want to have anal sex
Original by: Simcha Whitehill
