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Relationships

Dear Wendy: “Is Fighting Healthy In A Relationship?”

by The Frisky January 30, 2020
by The Frisky January 30, 2020

Every once in a while I get a question that’s so to-the-point and universal, I can’t not answer. Here’s an example:

Is fighting healthy for a relationship? And if so, how do you define what a “healthy fight” is? — Curious

Yes, absolutely, fighting is healthy for a relationship. In fact, I’d say it’s unhealthy not to fight occasionally. We’re all human: Our feelings get hurt; we make mistakes; we get frustrated and tired and cranky; we feel misunderstood; and we have opinions that our significant others don’t always agree with. So it’s reasonable to expect all those things to combine every now and then and create a bit of an emotional combustion. The good news is that fighting, like sex, can be a wonderful way to process and release some of those stressors. On the flip side, also like sex, if it isn’t done well, it can just exacerbate already-existent negative feelings.

Source: thepositivedramaqueen

So how do you make sure you do it well? It’s best to focus on the real issue at hand. How many times have you started a fight with someone over something stupid, like whose turn was it to take the garbage? It’s never really about the garbage; it’s about feeling taken for granted or overwhelmed or unsupported. Sticking to those issues and even using that language (“I’m feeling overwhelmed”) gives a platform for discussion.

You can’t really disagree with how someone feels. You can’t say, “No you don’t.” You have to listen and consider where the other person is coming from and then react in a way that shows you either understand or you don’t. A healthy fight doesn’t mean you always end up with a resolution or completely understanding each other, but it should mean that you at least have a better understanding and an agreement to continue communicating and working on the issue.

Source: Shutterstock

Bottom line: a healthy fight is about feelings, not facts.

Original by Wendy Atterberry

dear wendyfightinglove advice
The Frisky

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TheFrisky.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. Amazon, the Amazon logo, AmazonSupply, and the AmazonSupply logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.

We at TheFrisky participate in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may earn commissions on products or services that we recommend or promote through our website. When you click on a link to purchase a product or service that we have recommended or promoted, we may earn a commission from the sale. This commission helps us maintain and improve our website and provide you with valuable information and resources.