The New York Times Style section has gotten the memo: 50 Shades Of Grey is a book the ladies be readin’. Cue interviews with various and sundry New Yorkers who are involved in the kink scene, from sexual submissives to fire players. Actually, this article was written by a friend of mine named Matt and even if he wasn’t my bud, I’d still think this article about issues pertaining to kinky sex was a job well done.
Take note, other journalists who write about sex! Here’s six ways the New York Times actually got it right on kinky sex (or, as much as they could in one article):
1. The emphasis on the kink community encouraging “best practices” among partipants, namely openness and negotiation. Kinksters talk everything through in advance before they do it — our motto is “safe, sane and consensual.” We prioritize safety. If you read 50 Shades, you know that Anastasia kinda freaked when Christian introduces a list of sex practices and asks her to communicate her hard/soft limits. But what he was doing was actually a best practice — openly asking for very explicit information on what is and what is not OK.
2. Feminists walk amongst us! The Times spoke with a woman named Cheri who is a sexual submissive and a feminist. She calls her boyfriend “sir”; he calls her “pet.” She’s “an incredibly strong personal in my professional life” but also submits to him in and out of bed. Ain’t nothing wrong with that, girl. Some of the most pro-consent and feminist people I’ve ever met have been kinky/poly.
3. Safe words! One couple in the piece uses “Yankees rule.” The last guy I played with preferred “pineapple.”
Source: theatlantic
4. Allusions to “coming out,” a la gay culture. The crux of the piece is that kinksters are increasingly able to live their lives more openly — however, not too openly, because there are many in the piece who are not identified by their full name. I’ve always felt somewhat uncomfortable appropriating the term “coming out” to refer to coming out as kinky, because that’s really a phrase that came from gay culture. Alas, there are many psychological similarities between coming out as gay and coming out as kinky — apprehension, fear, relief, defensiveness.
5. The need for kink-aware health care / mental health professionals. Did I ever tell you about my former therapist who thought I was being physically abused because I like to be spanked? Yeah, she lost me as a client.
6. Discrimination by employers and in custody battles. Just like some assholes will go after LGBT folks to portray them as “unfit” parents or teachers because of their sexuality, kinky folks have gotten kids taken away as well because of their private sex lives. It’s bullshit! The Times notes that the Sexual Freedom Legal Defense & Education Fund received 600 phone calls a year from people and organizations needing help.
Overall I’m quite happy the Style section finally “discovered” kinky sex because it means tons more people will be educated about the nuances of this sexuality. It’s such a comprehensive piece, nobody needs to get spanked!
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