Lights out. Underneath the covers. Knees bent. Go-to vibrator at medium strength. A fantasy expanding upon a recent sexual encounter in my head, or a James Deen porn scene on the laptop (yes, even though we’re close personal friends, he still gets me off). These are the elements of my usual solo session. I’m not complaining (I’m always quite satisfied), but frankly, my masturbation routine has become just that — ROUTINE. And I’m willing to bet yours has too. Let’s have some fun and mix things up a bit, okay? Here are some tips for spicing up your self love sessions, courtesy of sex educator Carlyle Jansen, author of the recently released Sex Yourself, a guide for women who want to master masturbation and achieve more powerful orgasms. (Who ISN’T one of those women? I know I am.)
1. Try A New Position: Besides just spicing things up for your own amusement and enjoyment, experimenting with your masturbation routine can actually help boost your potential for orgasm with a partner. Think about it: most women have the majority of their orgasms alone, and probably in a body position that isn’t as easy to maintain when there’s another person involved. But what if you played around with playing with yourself in positions that more closely resemble those you and your partner are particularly fond of when you’re doing the nasty? Not only does it help fuel whatever fantasy you’ve got in your head, but you also might learn a thing or two about how your body likes to get off.
“Try lying on your tummy and grinding against your hand or a toy,” Jansen suggests in her book. Oh, she’s got more: “Lie on your back and bring your knees to your chest in a fetal position, then reach around from behind your thighs. Get on all fours as though you were having sex ‘on top’ and crouch over a toy that’s nestled in a pillow, suctioned to a wall, or attached to a chair.” Yeah, okay, sure, you’ll probably feel a little silly, and would no doubt be mortified if your roommate happened to burst in while you’re giving it to yourself from behind, but whatever. Lock the door, remember that sex is stupid and funny, and get on all fours.
2. Make Noise: Back in 2011, there was a study done at Temple University that found that at least 60 percent of women have faked an orgasm at some point — hardly a shocker, but their reasons why had more to do with themselves than appeasing their partners. One such reason was that making noise — mimicking the sounds of sexual pleasure that usually precipitate or go along with an orgasm — actually increased their own enjoyment. This made total sense to me, as the SOUNDS of sex can be as big if not bigger a turn on as the visuals of sex. Fantasizing during masturbation relies heavily on the latter — but it doesn’t have to. Add a little soundtrack to your masturbation routine by moaning and dirty talking the way you would during sex.
“Add some sound effects to your sex sessions,” Jansen suggests in Sex Yourself. “In the same way that athletes often make sounds to help them focus on their physical movements – think of the way tennis players grunt as they hit the ball – you can boost your pleasure levels by making sounds that feel natural to you. Don’t worry: you don’t have to go all out and pretend to be a porn star (but go for it if that turns you on!). … No one is around to judge you, so don’t be shy. Remember that it’s not about how loud you are; you won’t get extra points for screaming. Instead, it’s about how authentic your expression of pleasure is.”
3. Work Those Kegels: Ladies, unless you want to be pissing in your drawers when you’re old, you should be exercising your Kegel muscles regularly anyway, but strengthening your pelvic floor can also make your orgasms stronger and more powerful. “Try them during solo or partner sex,” Jansen offers. “It’ll feel fabulous, since your clitoris is sandwiched right between those muscles. It’s also a great way to get over the ‘hump’ when you’re close to orgasm: a few well-timed squeezes can push you right over the edge.” I also suggest flexing those muscles when your dude’s D is still inside you, so he can feel it too. He’ll think you’re a wizard, I promise.
4. Get Your Swerve On: Unless the sex is bad and you’re waiting out the boredom by playing statue, you probably don’t stay completely still when you fuck. Jansen’s tip: While you’re fantasizing, think about about the way your body, especially your pelvis, hips and ass, move when you’re having sex and mimic some of those movements while you touch yourself. “Gently rocking your pelvis will enhance your pleasure when you’re getting it on alone,” she writes. “Rocking your pelvis keeps it open and allows movement so that the nerves that pass through your sacrum can keep the pleasure flowing without hindrance. Simply moving your pelvis gently or rocking it back and forth will do the trick.”
5. Relax Your Legs. In addition to being really kind of still during masturbation, most women tend to tense their legs and pelvis when they’re on the brink of orgasm. (Side note: this is also the way my body responds to every single dance scene in “Magic Mike XXL.”) “Doing this can actually diminish the power of your orgasm,” writes Jansen. “That’s because there’s nowhere for your muscles to contract further with the orgasm when they’re already contracted!” So try letting all that tension out right before you come, or even try tensing and releasing throughout before you hit your climax.
“If you’re a regular squeezer, you can change the habit by relaxing on every outbreath,” Jansen advises. “That way, if you tense up again, another tension-releasing outbreath is just around the corner. Remaining tense for more than a few breaths means you’ll experience only a slight increase in pleasure which will dissipate quickly. Relaxing in between squeezes lets you amass even more erotic energy before the big O happens, which means the big O will be even stronger.” Someone hand me a metronome, I have some practicing to do…
6. Focus On More Than Just Your Clit: Most women come from clitoral stimulation, but that doesn’t mean you have to neglect the rest of your body. Caressing your own breasts and butt and hips maybe feels a little soft core and silly, but again, who cares? Also, if you’re into sex toys, who says you have to limit yourself to just one at a time? Some vibrators and sex toys come with attachments and doodads that stimulate multiple areas at once, but you can also just double team by, say, using one vibrator on your clit and another inside your vagina.
Or for something a little more adventurous, heed Jansen’s advice and try an LP butt plug! “It’s designed to stay in place (with or without vibration) so that you can enjoy the pleasure effortlessly,” she writes. Or here are some other suggestions: “Lying on your stomach, you can grind your clit against a vibrator or pillow while your hands roam elsewhere. You can also strap a dildo to a chair or suction it to a wall, and thrust onto it while you use your hands to play with your clitoris. Whichever way you do it, the more erogenous zones you engage at once, the more explosive the sensations and finale will be.” In this position, it can be ideal to add a jeweled butt plug as it will certainly give that out of the world sensation and allow you to experience something you have never before. If you really want to treat yourself you should definitely check this website here and see if you like something.
7. Slow Down And Give Edging A Try: What’s the rush? Sure, sometimes you’re just looking to get off, but since we’re talking about spicing things up when you’re home alone, take your time. Tease yourself by employing what’s called the “edging” technique. “Get yourself close to orgasm and stop for a bit while your arousal decreases and then resume,” suggests Jansen. “Repeating this several times as you approach orgasm over and over without going over the edge can give you an explosive orgasm once you let go.”
“You’ll probably come harder, and you’ll enjoy the build-up of pleasure as well,” Sex Yourself continues. “So, try using your vibrator at a lower speed, or spend a little more time around your labia rather than going straight for the clit. … If you can stretch out your arousal from three to six minutes, or from 10 to 20 minutes or more, you’ll find that the end result is much more powerful.”
In other words, tease and then treat yourself!
[Amazon: Sex Yourself]Original by Amelia McDonell-Parry @xoamelia
