Doin’ It With Dr. V: Anal Sex

Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

According to the CDC, anal sex is on the rise! Back in grungy 1992, about 25% of straight men and 20% of women said they’d had their tush pushed. Then in 2005, that number of heterosexuals jumped to nearly 40% of men and 35% of women. Of course, back in the 1940s, notable sex scientist, Alfred Kinsey, claimed nearly 40% of peeps were doin’ the butt. Well, opinions are like a**holes — we’ve all got one. After the jump, everything you could ever possibly want to know about anal sex.

HOW IT HAPPENED TO ME
I was in love with a guy who had a large penis — well, larger than anything that had ever been anywhere near my derriere. I thought it was going to be so naughty doing back door business! I trusted him to officially open my no-no factory.

WHO IS TO BLAME
Curiosity and the prostate. In my vast experience, unless it’s combined with clitoral stimulation, most girls don’t like it. But there’s more than one reason why guys do! First of all, men can actually have their prostate pleasured by anal penetration since their rectum is so close to the gland. Women, well, we just don’t have prostates, so there is no bonus button back there making us want to pick door #2. That being said, just like your fingertips, you do have nerve endings in your anus that are sensitive to the touch, so you will feel a sensation. Men also like bumpin’ your butt because it’s a narrower channel for their slick rick to swim in. They find it extra-stimulating to be held so tight.

SIGNS
My dude added a finger first, which is the way to get this party started. Then, later, we discussed how he could get the full monty python in there. Now, my BF was a gentleman, but sometimes a guy will try to sneak up on you. You feel him on your booty, but he’s not spanking, grabbing, or palming — he’s headed for the crack and that’s wack! If a dude plans on putting it in your rear, he better clear it with you first. And the subject will be brought up… eventually. My guess is roughly nine in 10 guys you date will ask your position on anal at some point. The key here is, he will listen to what you have to say and discuss all the possibilities with you.

WHAT TO DO
Relax. Seriously, no clenching. You have to loosen up, literally. And just like your vagina, your anus needs some sweet pre-gaming before it’s ready to party! As you know, your rectum, or the tunnel of love, in this case, can expand to accommodate a huge amount of, um, crap. So, what needs to open up are your two sphincters — the internal one is located at the top of your rectum and the external one at the bottom (that’s the one you can see). They’re the only parts that truly feel pain, and just like a shrink would say: they both have to let go.

Bear in mind, as the penis enters, the internal sphincter contracts naturally. So, give yourself 30 seconds to a minute to ease in. You’ll know when you’re good to go because you’ll feel yourself start to relax back there. Don’t start until you’re feeling cozy and your booty feels extra loosey-goosey. Then, using a lot of lube and ALWAYS a condom, slide into home!

WHERE I WENT WRONG
My dude was a rough rider and playing booty bumper cars made our anal experiences crash and burn. During his bouts in my bottom, I was focused on trying to control how deep he could go, so I never quite got the chance to enjoy it. Unfortunately, I never was able to get off on anal and mostly I just wanted him to finish fast. The last time we did it, he just stuck it in without warning. Clearly, we had bad communication when it came to butt sex and it probably was symptomatic of the problems in our love life overall. But there’s a lesson for us all here — you cannot be as pushy with anal sex, both by goading a partner into it or by pumping away too hard and fast. If you get or give the green light to come in the caboose cave, you got to ride along gently — not just for the sake of the people and the pleasure, but also for the condom. Since there’s so much friction occurring, the condom can break more easily. Take it slow! The pace will actually make it extra sensual.

TIME TABLE
Guys usually get off faster when they’re back there — bonus! However, you might not, especially if your clitoris isn’t also seeing a lil’ action. So make sure your goods also get taken care of. Then, you can rinse and repeat whenever you like!

EMBARRASSMENT FACTOR
Unless you’re dating a douche bag, there’s no shame in putting his penis in a place they’ve been going since the dawn of doing it. If your partner is hurting you, ask him to stop. You don’t want to have walk around with a sore booty from pushin’ the cushion too hard. That could be embarrassing. So, be sure you’re taking it easy. Just remember kids, the keys to anal sex are lubricate and communicate.

TIPS
1. Use Protection: You can get STDs even back there! Plus, there’s much more risk involved with anal sex, since the rectal mucosal lining is super thin and can tear quicker than you can say “put it in my booty.” Just because you can’t make a baby doesn’t mean you’re safe. So, for all types of sex, use a condom!

2. Gays And Anal: It’s a common misconception that all gay men just love to love the bottom. In a study conducted by the Stop AIDS project in San Francisco, only about 62% of homosexual male couples said they have anal sex. Plus, according to Jennifer Johnston, a Planned Parenthood sexuality educator in Washington, “Only about half of gay men enjoy anal sex as their primary form of sexual intercourse with a partner.”

3. Nailed It! Since the lining in your rectum is easily ripped, (which is no big deal because it will repair itself) be careful when you get fingers involved. Watch the nails!

4. Jiffy Lube Your butt doesn’t lubricate itself, so use lots and lots of lube, all over the condom and even between the crack.

5. Myth Busters Contrary to a lot of classic urban myths, anal sex cannot cause bowel control problems. A study, published in the American Journal of Gastroenterology, back in 1997, found no difference in incontinence levels between men who had been screwed up the wahzoo and those who hadn’t. Anal sex happens in the rectum, which is merely a shaft. It doesn’t affect your ability to poop or to not poop.

6. Blood On The Tracks: If you see some blood spotting, don’t get upset. It’s just a sign that the rectal mucosal lining tore a bit, which happens. You’re not permanently damaged. Simply give your butt a break to heal.

7. Anal Ease: While it’s important that your man respects your boundaries and that you are aware if you’re being hurt, a little numbing cream can help your uptight sphincter turn into a softy.

SEXY TIMES
First of all, you should never go from B-to-V. Never ever! You have to switch condoms or clean his junk with perfume-free soap. Otherwise, you’re going to get more than just satisfaction — you’ll likely get a yeast infection or a UTI. However, you can work in reverse and go from the V-to-B, no problem.

Now, for the big old icky elephant in the room — feces. Even the word makes me wince, but you can totes avoid grossing out your partner, easy. Since your rectum is merely a passageway for poop, it’s actually stored in the colon until it’s #2 time. So where the sexy happens is just a tunnel waiting for traffic in either direction. Some remnants may be hanging around in the rectum, so ideally you should clean the junk in your trunk before you let a peen pull in. Here’s how:
1. Oddly enough, it’s a good idea to eat fiber and poop before having anal sex merely to clear the path.

2. Then wipe up with a moist tissue, wet cotton balls, or scent-free baby wipes.

3. Enemas can be ideal, but also a bit extreme. You would have to take one a few hours before hand since they often cause some irritation — not to mention preparatory hassle. You can make the poor man’s quickie version by filling an ear syringe with water. Lube up the tip, put the tip in your anus, and then squeeze the bulb a few times to flush it out. Like an at home colonic! You’re ready to get it on.

FUNKY FACTS
1. By 2002, 36 states had repealed their narrow-minded sodomy laws, or had them overturned in court. The remaining states were forced to accept the civil right to anal sex in 2003 thanks to the landmark Supreme Court case Lawrence v. Texas.

2. Renaissance poet Pietro Aretino romanticized anal sex in his “Lust Sonnets.”

3. “Pegging” is the lingo for when a woman straps on a dildo and does a dude from behind. Now that’s equality!

4. Almost a third of French women surveyed in 2001 said they had anal sex, but only a third of that number said they enjoyed it.

5. While the Ancient Greeks were big fans of anal sex, the Romans weren’t interested in copying that part of their culture. Two male citizens would be condemned for engaging in butt banging. However, it was totally okay (and common) for free men to knock on a slave’s back door.