Steve Maraboli, a speaker on empowerment and self-improvement once said: “Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient”.
This is a very powerful statement and one that resonates perfectly with many. Over the years we gather experience. We experience traumas, happiness and events in life that change our lives – it’s these very events in life that build resilience.
In coaching and leaderships development there is a tonne of chatter surrounding resilience. Resilience is the ability to cope with unexpected changes and challenges that arise in life. The demands of each persons’ life require resilience, but can you learn it? Although this has been an ongoing debate amongst many, here are 3 strategies that will help:
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1. Allow a gap between the experience of change and what your response is to that particular change
Many of us are hyper-reactive when it comes to emotions and responding to particular situations. Instead of allowing yourself this response, ask yourself questions instead – these can include things like; What’s going on? What’s driving this feeling? How am I feeling? Record your thoughts and feelings on a piece of paper or on your computer. Maybe there’s a pattern to why you feel like this? Is there a certain something you can do that’s proactive that can manage this situation when it arises or if you spot/sense it coming? This gap between experience and response is also known as a purposeful pause – and this is a term that I personally love. Remember, emotions provide data and information – not direction – you can choose the direct response.
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2. Make sure you OWN and LABEL your emotional state
Never suppress your emotions – do your best to acknowledge them because they have something to tell you. Try to label what you’re feeling – not just ‘good’ or ‘bad’ but be very descriptive into how your feeling. Find those words that best describe your exact emotion. This is an important element of discovery – if we can identify what we feel about certain things, then over time, we can learn to control our responses – or become more resilient.
3. Create tolerance for discomfort
Brene Brown, a researcher of shame and vulnerability found that people with high self-awareness and willingness to tolerate the discomfort that can come from extremely difficult situations are resilient. Because of this knowledge, here are three ways to build these capabilities which in turn, will help build your resilience.
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Keep a journal
In Susan Davids book called Emotional Agility, she shared a journal guide from Pennebaker who has been a researcher in the area of resilience for over 40 years. He found, consistently, that people who wrote down their emotional experiences from the day, week, month or years had a significantly better chance of dealing with those situations. So next time you feel a certain emotion, try jotting it down and when it does arise over time – you will start building resilience.
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Meditation and Mindfulness
Start taking time out of your day to make time for yourself. Stop and observe your breath, thoughts, body parts, emotions or sounds can enhance your ability to relax and fundamentally, manage emotions.
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Creating an alternate story
Okay, in every situation that arises there is the truth of a situation and then there is supposition. Nine times out of ten, the thoughts we have in our minds are made up of more supposition than truth – and herein lies to the problem.
Instead of having a one-minded view on a situation, try creating multiple alternate reasons for a situation arising. This will broaden your mind to accept new potential reasons as to why something has occurred and this can work miracles for the psyche in general. Over-time, having this kind of thought process will build resilience from being able to adapt to multiple possibilities of a situation.
