Your annual visit to the lady doctor isn’t necessarily the most pleasant way to spend an afternoon. Between the poking, prodding and your casual evasion of pointed questions like “How many drinks do you have a week?”, going to the gynecologist is a necessary but not entirely awesome experience. I usually leave the gynecologist with a list of unanswered questions, and I always resolve this situation by taking to Google with a glass of wine, self-diagnosing through the mess of Yahoo! Answers forums and WebMD. It goes without saying that this never really works out for the best. This time, we’ve decided to do the work for you! We consulted the best of the best on the Internet to come up with answers to all those burning questions that feel a little too personal to ask your doctor.
“One of my boobs is bigger than the other — not like, a negligible size difference, but for real, a whole handful and then some. What gives? Is this normal?”
Rest easy, this is 100 percent normal. According to the BBC, breasts come in all shapes and sizes. Therefore, if you’re rockin’ a C-cup AND a D-cup, don’t worry about it! The only time you should be concerned is if it’s a recent change in breast size. It could be something worrisome like an inflamed milk duct or solid mass, and that should be checked out by a medical professional. Shopping for bras is probably a little more troublesome, but here’s a handy guide to help you out.
“What are the precise mechanics of a condom getting stuck INSIDE me so far back that I had to go the hospital to get it removed?”
Here’s the thing that we all need to understand about our vaginas — they are not caverns, stretching far and wide into the unknown. Instead, the average vagina depth is about 3-4 inches deep, but will lengthen as arousal increases. This fact is key in understanding the way something might get lost up there. There is nothing more alarming than realizing that the condom is somehow still inside of you, but thankfully there is a simple explanation to how that could’ve happened. It’s probably just lodged up near your cervix and your vaginal canal, and the good news is that you should be able to get it out yourself with a couple of fingers and a squatting position. If not, a trip to the hospital might be necessary, but relax, breathe through it and remember that you’re not reaching into a bottomless abyss.
“I have bumps on my vagina and they are quite honestly freaking me out. I have taken an STD test and it was negative, so what gives? What are these thing and am I gonna be okay?”
The amount of questions I got about bumps on the vagina was astonishing, but it makes sense. Most sex ed classes leave out any sort of basic information about the vagina outside of which bumps equal herpes, genital warts, or worse. Let’s clear the air. Here’s a vagina bump primer, courtesy of the Palo Alto Medical Foundation, HealthCentral.com and OfficialHealth.org.
- If the bump is large, raised, and tender to the touch, it’s a cyst. Great news! This is harmless and does not require medical attention.
- Angiomas are red, purple or blue bumps that do not change shape size or color. These are also harmless, and are actually just clusters of blood cells. This also does not require medical attention.
- If the bump is flesh colored, smooth, and disappears on its own within 6-12 months, it’s most likely molluscum, a harmless but exceptionally contagious viral skin disorder that spreads through sexual contact. If these little guys disappear after 6-12 months, then you’re in the clear. If not, feel free to see a doctor. Oral antibiotics or creams will take care of that.
“There’s no cute way to ask this but … is there any truth to the rumor that too much sex can make you loose?”
Everyone out there will be glad to know that the answer to this is a resounding NOPE across the board. From Cosmo to Psychology Today, all experts agree — the only thing that definitely makes your vagina lose elasticity is age. If you’re super-worried about things being loose down there, Kegels exercises are an easy excercise you can do to strengthen the vaginal walls and keep things in tip-top shape.
“I’ll just ask this point blank — is it possible to be allergic to semen?”
As weird as it sounds, the answer to this is yes. While it is rare, semen allergies do exist. The allergy is actually to the proteins within the semen. How do you know if you are allergic to semen? This allergy presents itself in the way any other allergy does — itchiness, redness, swelling or burning upon contact. If you’re looking to get pregnant, don’t worry — a semen allergy isn’t going to ruin your chances of that.
“Here’s yet another indelicate question, so best to be blunt — is it possible to smell when a woman has her period?”
Before we explain this any further, let’s make one thing clear. Women have been ashamed of so many perfectly natural things about their bodies for ages, and perpetuating the idea that we need to be ashamed of the way our body smells is another tool used to subjugate women in society today. Clear? Regardless, there are times when you can feel a little less fresh than you’d like. Most experts agree that having vaginal odor is perfectly natural, and any attempt to remedy this through douching or feminine sprays can actually do more harm than good. Douches disturb the natural pH balance and can lead to infection or worse. If this seems counterintuitive to how you’re feeling, there are some things you can do to make yourself feel a little better about business in the basement. Wearing cotton underwear that breathes and routinely changing tampons and maxi pads are two simple, non-invasive ways of maintaining an extra spring in your step during your period. Seriously — don’t worry!