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They are not pockets
There are some people in the world who like to insert random items into their bum. You know, light bulbs, sunglasses, action figures? That kind of stuff. There are also people with peens who take pleasure in sticking things up their urethra. Yes, from chopsticks to jump ropes to forks and even animals, people put all kinds of things up there.
Apparently, who have uteri are no different. A vag can can stretch pretty well, so it’s easy to see how something can get lost in there. If you are the type to have playtime with random household objects, know that they can easily get stuck up in there, which often requires a trip the ER. Let’s undercover what’s been hiding in some intimate places…
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Dildo
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Pretty mild, huh? It’s not that the adult toy was stuck, it was forgotten. For ten years.
The 5-inch long object was found in a 38-year-old Scottish woman, DailyMedical reported. I’m not sure how far up there it was shoved so that she couldn’t feel it or that a gyno wouldn’t discover during a yearly check-up. Wait. Has she not gone to the gyno in over a decade?!
I’m surprise it took that long to give the poor lass physical problems: Severe weight loss, shaking, lethargy, and incontinence. The patient claimed she was drunk with a partner at the time.
Handcuff Keys
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A little kink can be really hot. Not in this case, though. In an episode of TLC’s Sex Sent Me To The E.R, a Canadian woman made a trip the hospital because for some reason I cannot figure out and it’s killing me, the keys to handcuffs were put inside her vag. Why. WHY?!
Well, the keys got tangled up in the woman’s IUD strings.
“I’d obviously never recommend anyone do anything like this even if your judgment is impaired in the moment of passion,” Dr. Michelle Pearl said to Huffington Post.
Oh, and if you’re nosy like me, the couple were role playing as a helpless princess and an evil dragon.
Doing double duty
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In 2013, a 28-year-old woman named Christie Dawn Harris was arrested in Oklahoma after being approached by police while she was pulled over on the side of the road. A K9 sniffed out drugs and arms.
While changing into jail clothing, an officer noticed a “wooden and metal item sticking out from her vaginal area” and when Harris turned around, the officer noticed something clenched between her butt cheeks.
Officers found a loaded 5 shot revolver. In her butt? Bags of meth, natch.
Bottle of pee
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This is one is actually pretty clever.
Mischelle Lindy Salzgeber, a 20-year-old woman from Dade City, FL was on probation in 2012. Part of check in is passing a urine test to make sure you aren’t doing illegal drugs.
Salzgeber was discovered to have shoved a small vodka bottle hidden deep inside her filled with someone else’s urine as she knew she couldn’t pass the test. The vodka-vag urine didn’t pass the drug test either.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
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“A lady came in with a knife still in her […]. She claimed that an intruder assaulted her, but the area was not bleeding; it was as if the knife was slid into her. She later revealed that she did it herself to ‘get revenge’ on her boyfriend…,” a nurse told BuzzFeed.
1. What was the rest of this revenge plan?
2. Thankfully most people have dull kitchen knives.
3. Was the knife stuck or was she scared to remove it herself?
4. I hope she got a mental health evolution.
Let me see that tong…
Credit: Vladimir Gjorgiev/Shutterstock
Also from BuzzFeed: “I’m a nurse in an ER. One day a woman came waddling in with a set of tongs stuck between her legs. She used them to masturbate and inserted the tongs into her […]. The clip that holds the tongs shut opened, and the tongs became hopelessly lodged [there]. She had to be taken to the operating room to have them surgically removed and nearly perforated her uterus.”
People of all genders: A dildo costs waaaaaaaay less than a trip to the ER. Consider these safer household items you can use to get you off.
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Original by Jordie Lee
