Anyone who’s been in a relationship for any length of time already knows that even the happiest, most loving couples eventually deal with monotony in the bedroom. It’s not even about anything either of you has done wrong. It’s just something that comes along with age, changing preferences, and managing busy lives outside of the bedroom.
It’s also normal to care enough about your relationship to want to fix things. But how do you tell your partner you think your sex life needs work and open dialogue without hurting their feelings or sounding as if you’re blaming them? Here are some pointers to keep in mind.
Do some research first
Before you approach your partner about kicking things up a notch or two in the bedroom, it’s good to sit down with yourself and figure out what you’re asking them for. Has sex, in general, simply become too routine. Is it not happening frequently enough? Or is there something specific you’re hoping you can talk your partner into trying?
Before bringing it up for discussion, it helps to know what you’d like to see change about your sex life. If there’s a particular activity, a new fun toy from a place like CloudClimax.co.uk, or adventurous approach you’d like to try, don’t simply go off of something you’ve seen on TV. Do some research on it first. That way, you’ll be prepared to answer any questions your partner might have once you’re talking.
Keep things super positive
Let’s face it. Even if you and your partner have a wonderful relationship, for the most part, it’s hard to tell someone you love that you think your sex life needs improvement. Chances are your partner has noticed things getting a little routine, as well, and may already be worried it has something to do with them.
So make sure you approach the discussion from a positive place and be especially careful of wording your concerns as complaints. Instead, keep things positive, remembering to focus on what you do like about your sex life. And when you do get around to suggesting changes, focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want.
Choose your timing carefully
There’s a right time and a wrong time to bring up serious or sensitive topics for discussion with your partner. And the right time is not in the heat of the moment while you’re either about to have sex or already in the middle of it. Many people think they’re more likely to get their partner to try something specific when they’re already turned on and ready to go. But while it’s possible things could work out that way, you also run the risk of putting your partner on the spot and making them feel pressured.
Instead, give some thought to the dynamic you and your partner share and consider when might be the best time to initiate a discussion. Maybe it’s over dinner out at a restaurant somewhere or right after you’ve made love. Choose your time carefully and ask your partner for their permission to talk to them about something before getting started. If it’s not a good time or they don’t have the mental bandwidth just then, respect their wishes, but don’t drop the subject altogether. Instead, ask them to suggest a better time.
Be patient with your partner
We’ve all heard the saying that patience is a virtue. Well, when it comes to relationships, and especially intimacy, that old adage definitely rings true. Patience is one of the most important traits you can have in a relationship – both for your own sanity and the health of the relationship itself. It can be difficult to ask for what you want sexually.
You may feel like you’re being too demanding, or that your partner will think you’re not satisfied with them. Maybe you’re worried about sounding silly, or that your partner will think you’re not attracted to them anymore. Regardless of the reason, it’s important to communicate with your partner about what you want in the bedroom. If you don’t, then you’re likely to end up feeling frustrated, and your sex life will suffer as a result.
And remember that this isn’t solely a discussion about you and your needs. It’s about both of you and the sex life you share together. So give your partner a chance to respond to what you’ve said and actively ask them about things they might like to try.
And if you’ve asked them to try something specific in bed – a new kind of toy, a new activity, roleplaying, or anything else – don’t pressure them for a yes or no right away. Let them think things over and process some of the things that have been said.
Don’t be afraid to take the first steps
The health of your relationship outside the bedroom has more to do with what’s happening (or not) inside of it than you might think. So don’t be afraid to look for other ways to inject a little excitement into things and show your partner they’re valued. Plan a surprise romantic getaway for two if it’s been a while since you’ve gone away together. Or bring them flowers or a gift for no particular reason other than that they were on your mind.
When it comes to talking about sex with your partner, open and honest communication is key. If you feel like something isn’t working for you in the bedroom, speak up! Your partner can’t read your mind, and they’ll appreciate your willingness to communicate about such an intimate topic. Not only will openness improve your sexual relationship, but it will also deepen the emotional bond between you and your partner. So go ahead and open up – your sex life (and relationship) will thank you for it!
And don’t forget to hold up your own end of the deal when it comes to improving your sex life. Listen to and respond to any suggestions your partner may have given you, and show them you care about keeping them happy and satisfied. Once the lines of communication are open, anything’s possible, and you’re on your way. Get excited!