Sometimes throwing a good, rollicking insult in your head is the only thing that will make you feel better about a particularly crappy person. Whether it be the bitchy checkout lady who will not let you return the shirt you purchased just yesterday because you don’t have a receipt (happened), or a lame dude on the subway who needlessly rubbed up against you (double happened). But insults, the ones that work for you, are a very particular and unique thing. For instance, my insult of choice is “baby genius,” derived from the 1999 movie starring Kathleen Turner and Christopher Lloyd of the same name. (Which, just so you know, has been described as a “live action ‘Rugrats.’”) I LOVE IT. It’s condescending and patronizing, it’s not a swear word, so you can say it aloud and not offend any grandmas. Like this: “Who is the baby genius who decided to leave all the windows open and turn the air conditioner on?” See what I’m saying? After the jump, the rest of The Frisky staff tell you what their favorite insults are. Tell us what your favorites are in the comments! KATE
Insult: “Dumb-bot.” Alternatively, “Lame-azoid.”
Origin: I really dislike curse words and slurs. They just make me uncomfortable—I’m not exactly sure why, as I am the only person in my family who feels this way. So the insults I love tend to sound like things a 10-year-old would say, combining insults like “dumb,” “stupid,” “lame,” and “mean” combined with sci-fi inspired suffixes like “bot,” “zoid,” and “naut.”
Ex: “You can’t name the 12th president of the United States? You are such a dumb-bot.”
Insult: “Everything Pooper”
Origin: Begun in third grade as an insult bestowed upon my sister. A male friend of hers at the time said, “You know how some people are party poopers? Well, you’re an everything pooper.” My sister and I both cracked up and have adopted the phrase as our own ever since.
Ex: “Brad in accounting has the worst attitude. He is such an everything pooper.”
Insult: Rock his dock or dock rocker (euphemism for jerking one’s self off).
Ex: “Matt is such a narcissist, he is just looking for someone to rock his dock” or “He’s such a dock rocker.”
Insult: Feral (which is kind of a compliment).
Ex: “You’re getting all feral on the dance floor.”
Insult: Sooo stupid (which is also kind of a compliment meaning ridiculously cool).
Ex: “Oh my god, that Ryan Gosling stalker map you just made is sooo stupid.”
Insult: Penis Wrinkle
Origin: I heard some foulmouthed girl from the Bronx say that at summer camp when I was 14.
Ex: “I can’t believe Jerry broke up with Charlene after he cheated on her. What a penis wrinkle.”
Insult: Twat Waffle
Origin: I’m not really sure where it came from.
Ex: “That waiter would not give me extra jalapenos on my burrito. What a twat waffle.”
So, tell us, what’s your favorite go-to insult?
Original by Julie Gerstein