Every free market has a wide range of available goods. The same holds true for men and their penises. Because it’s important to know what’s out there in phalluses, after the jump are the top ten penis types you’re bound to encounter on the road to Mr. Right Member.
|1. The Jalapeño Pepper
Ay Caramba ! This curving popper makes a sharp turn. Whether it’s signaling left or right, it’s somehow still headed in your direction.
Small and opposable, it proves remarkably useful. In the dark, you might find yourself asking, “Where is Thumbkin’?” Depending on the guy, you might find he knows all the right places to hide.
|3. The Elephant Trunk
It hangs down to the ground, which makes picking things up an impressive feat — or, in this case, foot. Just like the elephant ride you took on vacation in Timbuktu, you have to be brave and relaxed to ride it.
|4. Da’ Dumbbell
The weight is stacked the end. If you raise the bar, this body builder pumps you up in all the right places.
|5. The Great Pyramid of Penis
Wide at the base, this structure ends in a peak. If you’re ready to climb, it’s a hike to the summit, but you’ll appreciate the payoff.
|6. Mr. Pencil
Skinny and long, he’s no Mini-Man. Attached to a guy with sharpened skills, it can be something to write home about.
|7. The Soda Canner
This cylinder is almost as wide as it is long. Don’t be afraid. You’ll be back for refills.
|8. Super Grower
At first glance, it fools you into thinking it’s an average snake in the grass. However, if you really take a good look, you’ll quickly realize it’s a garden hose.
|9. The Uncut Film
Just like bonus raw footage features on the DVD of your favorite movie, this one has enjoyable extras. Oftentimes foreign, it has a cult fan following.
|10. The Frankfurter
Not too big, not too small, the standard size fits perfectly in a variety of ovens.