Yesterday, I broke down for dudes why gals won’t have sex with them, even if we totally had a hot successful date. But what if you don’t even get the chance to play coy? Nothing is more perplexing than a guy not trying to put the moves on you when you’re clearly interested in him. So we decided to ask our man panel WTF?! Aren’t your penises hard-wired to pounce anything they can? Shouldn’t we just be able to snap our fingers and make guys our sexytime machines? NO?! Well, their reasons are just as shocking…
Just like us, dudes can get grossed-out by a nasty living situation, an upset stomach, a poorly maintained crotch garden, or can still be feeling sad about a recent breakup. See, we do have things in common! Although, one man panelist said, “There’s one on your list that I think I can safely say is not an issue for most guys: I’m too drunk. We never think we’re too drunk. This is often proven inaccurate.” Ha! We got these dudes to dig deeper and divulge why they might walk away from a night of nakedness.
- You Smell Funky: Whether it’s upstairs or downstairs, he’s not going to try to slide into home. Any indication that you don’t take care of your body and you’re not getting screwed.
- You Puked: Yeah, game over.
- Too Tired: As one 20-something guy put it, “You’ve got to make sure that sparks shoot out of her ass the first time you do it, so sometimes it’s best to hold off if you’re a bit tired and probably won’t perform at your top game. You have to be watching your first DVD TV show series together before you can get away with the quick come—back rub—apology maneuver.” So true, unless it’s a DVD you picked out, then you double owe me.
- Waiting For STD Test Results: Wow, guys are so sexy when they’re being responsible.
- He Wants You To Think That He’s A Gentleman: If he doesn’t immediately try to jump your bones, you’ll probs think he’s a nice guy. Of course, he might not be. Tricky dick.
- He Has A Girlfriend: He’s flirting with you, but he can’t go all the way, that would be wrong. Check him against these Signs He’s A Cheater.
- He’s Convinced You Suck In The Sack: Whether you’re in the office or the bedroom, no one wants to do all the work.
- They Like The Chase: Men (think they) are hunters. And stalking your prey is often more delicious than actually catching it. What’s the fun in getting something, if it’s easy?
- Who’s The Boss: OK, so this one is a bit sexist, but we asked dudes to be honest. Apparently, if you come on too strong, they lose interest. They’re thrown off their game when they don’t get to play offense.
- Love And Marriage: You talked about weddings and babies — boner kryptonite.
- Timing Is Everything: He’s waiting for the right moment to knock your socks off. He’s waiting for that moment when you just seem to click, no hesitation. Can you believe it?!
- No Protection: He didn’t anticipate there’d be sexy times and he didn’t bring a condom.
- Performance Anxiety: Dudes know bad sex is a dealbreaker. Rather than be a ball of nerves, he’ll let his get blue. They’d rather go without than screw it up, literally.
Special thanks to the sexy, smart, communicative men who were willing to tell us Frisky gals the truth! We salute you. Now take off your pants. Just kidding!
Original by Simcha