• About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Latest
  • Terms and Conditions
  • Privacy Policy
The Frisky
  • Home
  • News
  • Health
  • Celebs
  • Movies
  • Love
  • Relationships
  • Style
  • Entertainment
  • Parenting
  • Royals
  • Travel
MoneyRelationships

Dear Wendy: “I’m Afraid To Date Because I’m $190,000 In Debt”

by The Frisky January 14, 2020
by The Frisky January 14, 2020 Source: AdobeStock
1.5K

I’m a 31-year-old, single guy in Chicago. I’m at a point in my life where I’d like to find a great woman and think about settling down and perhaps start a family in the not too distant future. Unfortunately, I have a terrible secret that is making it difficult for me to get close to women: I have $190,000 in student loan debt (no, I am not a doctor). Aside from that scary number, I am financially responsible and have a promising career with a high income trajectory ahead of me. How I arrived at that $190,000 is moot, but what isn’t is the psychological handicap I’ve developed. I am ashamed and embarrassed to be burdened by such student debt, and I can’t help but feel most women would be scared off by it. As a result, I’ve basically stopped dating or even trying to meet that special someone. I can’t bear the prospect of getting close to someone only to scare her off because of my debt. I feel like a leper. But, am I over-reacting? If so, what advice would you give about broaching the topic with a potential girlfriend (timing, method, etc)? — Debt Leper

Source: Postbank

Look, I’m not going to lie to you; there are certainly people out there for whom your debt would be a dealbreaker, but that doesn’t mean it’s a dealbreaker for everyone. There are far worse things to be saddled with than a lot of debt (and if you don’t believe me, just read through some of my previous columns from readers with psycho exes, racist families, chronic illnesses, etc.). And the bottom line is that you’re able to manage your debt, right? You’re financially responsible and you foresee a high income trajectory in your future, so those are wonderful things. I understand that you’d feel insecure about your debt, but you’re in no way, shape or form a leper. You are not destined to a life of solitude and loneliness because of outstanding student loans.

If you’re a kind, caring person with a lot to offer someone, there’s no reason to believe you won’t find long-lasting love with someone you can build a solid future and happy family with. So, get out there and start dating. Don’t feel like you need to tell every woman you go out to dinner with that you have debt. It’s none of their business. Frankly, it would only become someone’s business if you start getting serious enough that you’re talking about a future together. Certainly, before you, say, propose marriage you’d want to disclose that information about yourself. But it’s not something that has to be shared early on. Wait until you feel comfortable with the woman — when you’ve had a chance to get to know each other and she’s had a chance to see what you have to offer and how well you manage your finances. When you feel ready, tell her that you’ve grown to care a lot for her and you can see yourself being really happy with her for the long haul and you hope she’s starting to feel the same, too, but you have information you feel she should know before you begin making future plans together. And then just tell her. Tell her you have a large amount of debt, and then share your plan and timetable for paying it off as well as how you’ll contribute to a family.

Source: iStock

Yes, your debt may scare off a potential life partner. You may get close to someone only to have the relationship fail. But that’s a risk you’d take regardless of the debt you carry. If you truly want to find love, you’ve got to get over your fears of rejection. You have to accept that you’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s OK. And you have to accept that it may not even be your debt that turns off a potential mate, but something else that simply doesn’t click or work. But that’s how dating goes. We all have our “$190,000 debt,” so to speak. We all have some monkey on our back that makes us feel vulnerable, but it’s in building trust with others and sharing our vulnerabilities that we really begin to grow lasting relationships.

Original by Wendy Atterberry

couples and moneydatingdear wendydebtlove adviceMoney
The Frisky

previous post
Girl Talk: I Should Have Dumped My High School Boyfriend
next post
Astrology 101: 10 Ways To Live The Aquarius Lifestyle

Related Posts

Ultimate Biker Dating – BikerKiss Embraces All Bikers...

July 25, 2024

Flipping Clothes Online in 2024: How to Make...

June 12, 2023

Vaping Instead of Smoking Could Increase Your Odds...

May 30, 2023

Categories

  • Accessories
  • Animals
  • Anime
  • Art
  • Astrology
  • Beard Care
  • Beauty
  • Betting
  • Biography
  • Blog
  • Business
  • Buying Guides
  • Cannabis
  • Cars
  • Casino
  • CBD
  • Celebs
  • Children
  • Citizenship
  • Clippers
  • Clothes
  • Computer
  • Couple Time
  • COVID-19
  • Crime
  • Crypto
  • Culture
  • Design
  • DIY
  • Economics
  • Education
  • Entertainment
  • Environment
  • Family
  • Fashion
  • Featured
  • Food
  • Food & Drink
  • Furniture
  • Galleries
  • Gambling
  • Games
  • Gardening
  • Gifts
  • Girl
  • Gossip
  • Guide
  • Guys
  • Hair
  • Hair Care Tips
  • Hair Dryers
  • Hair loss
  • Hairstyles
  • Health
  • Highlights
  • History
  • Hobby
  • Home
  • Horoscopes
  • Hot Rollers
  • How to …
  • Industry
  • Internet
  • Interview
  • Law
  • Legal Advice
  • Life
  • Lifestyle
  • Love & Sex
  • Love Your Self
  • Makeup
  • Marketing
  • Medicine
  • Mind & Body
  • Money
  • Motorcycle
  • Movies
  • Moving
  • Music
  • Nails
  • Net Worth
  • News
  • Parenting
  • People
  • Pets
  • Photography
  • Products for Hair
  • Real Estate
  • Recipes
  • Relationships
  • Religion
  • Royals
  • SEO
  • Shopping
  • Skincare
  • Sports
  • Studying
  • Style
  • Super Stars
  • Tech
  • Technology
  • The Body
  • Tips
  • Tips & Tricks
  • Tools
  • Toys
  • Travel
  • Type
  • Uncategorized
  • Vape
  • Vehicle
  • Video
  • VR
  • Wedding
Footer Logo
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Latest
  • Terms and Conditions
  • Privacy Policy

© 2024 - All Right Reserved.

TheFrisky.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. Amazon, the Amazon logo, AmazonSupply, and the AmazonSupply logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.

We at TheFrisky participate in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may earn commissions on products or services that we recommend or promote through our website. When you click on a link to purchase a product or service that we have recommended or promoted, we may earn a commission from the sale. This commission helps us maintain and improve our website and provide you with valuable information and resources.

The Frisky
  • Home
  • News
  • Health
  • Celebs
  • Movies
  • Love
  • Relationships
  • Style
  • Entertainment
  • Parenting
  • Royals
  • Travel
The Frisky
  • Home
  • News
  • Health
  • Celebs
  • Movies
  • Love
  • Relationships
  • Style
  • Entertainment
  • Parenting
  • Royals
  • Travel
© 2024 - All Right Reserved.

TheFrisky.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. Amazon, the Amazon logo, AmazonSupply, and the AmazonSupply logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.

We at TheFrisky participate in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may earn commissions on products or services that we recommend or promote through our website. When you click on a link to purchase a product or service that we have recommended or promoted, we may earn a commission from the sale. This commission helps us maintain and improve our website and provide you with valuable information and resources.
We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.OkNoPrivacy policy

Terms and Conditions - Privacy Policy