Loud sex is one of those things that’s only enjoyable for the people having it. For the rest of us, it’s highly uncomfortable. Unless you’re in the middle of the forest or a cheap motel, have some respect for others and try to be discreet for godssakes. Especially if, say, you are going at it in the bathroom of fast food restaurant. Recently, a UK couple was escorted out of a McDonald’s for not being anywhere near discreet enough.
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1. If You’re In McDonald’s
Credit: Shutterstock
“They were suited and booted. The lady was in a skirt suit and the man was in a suit as well. They looked maybe late-30s, not even young – old enough to know better anyway … People who had gone in started coming back from the toilet with a horrified look on their faces … My daughter then went herself. She told me that they were at it on the floor,” reported a witness who wishes to remain anonymous.
“We can confirm that a couple were found behaving inappropriately in our toilets,” said a McDonald’s spokesman.
And I can confirm that loud sex in a fast food restroom is an awful idea. How anyone can get aroused in a McDonald’s bathroom in the first place is beyond me. Germs!? [Daily Mail]
2. If You’re In Australia
In South Australia, loud sex is considered an illegal form of noise pollution. Jessica Angel and Colin Mackenzie were fined $4,000 for repeatedly breaking the noisy sex law. “Our average sex goes anywhere from four, six, seven hours, basically five nights a week,” said Mackenzie. That sounds absolutely vaginally exhausting, not to mention hellish for their neighbors who have had to call the police on them more than 20 times. [234 Pulse]
3. If You Have Lots Of Neighbors
Source: The Sun
And speaking of neighbors … Swedish couple Bjorn Forsberg and Michelle Larsson narrowly avoided eviction from their apartment complex because a judge determined that it was impossible to tell which flat the alleged loud sex sounds were coming. A neighbor scoffed at this ruling saying, “Their screams of passion were so loud I could hear them three floors away. I don’t think they were playing cards.” Talk about awkward conversations at the mailbox. These two should move out. [Digital Spy]
4. If You’re Sharing A Dorm Room With Someone
Lindsay Blankmeyer, a former student at Stonehill College, filed a suit against the school claiming that her roommate’s “alleged inappropriate sexual behavior drove her into a deep depression.” Lindsay’s kinky roommate allegedly engaged in noisy sex acts while Lindsay was in the room. According to Blankmeyer, her roommate’s sex life put her in “a dark and suicidal depression requiring her to take a leave of absence from school and undergo extensive psychiatric and medical treatment.” Not that Blankmeyer sounds all that stable, but having noisy sex while your roommate is two feet away is not gonna gain anyone any sympathy.
5. If Your Children Are In The Next Room
Credit: gpointstudio/Shutterstock
A Florida teen called 911 and asked to be taken to Christian children’s center because she heard her mother having sex in the next room and “felt disrespected.” The mother defended herself, telling cops that she had invited her boyfriend over and “sometime during the visit, her daughter heard them having sex and became upset” because “their bedrooms are next to each other and she didn’t intend to wake her daughter up.” After speaking with a representative from the shelter, the girl decided that she did not want to leave her house because “it was almost time for school.” That’s so uncomfortable to hear parents having sex, but requesting to be sent to a Christian children’s shelter seems melodramatic. [The Smoking Gun]
6. If You’re A Celebrity
Celebrities beware: if you are having noisy sex, your neighbors will file a lawsuit and it will get leaked on TMZ or something. This happened to “That 70’s Show” star Wilmer Valderrama whose neighbor sued him for all kinds of “frequent loud and disturbing noises” including partying, vehicle traffic, and a barking dog. We’re sure that includes loud sex. [Huffington Post]
7. If You’ve Been Arrested For Loud Sex Before
Source: Deccan Herald
Caroline Cartwright and her husband Steve have been had so much loud sex that the court has placed a four-year ban on their noisy lovemaking. After only two months on probation, Caroline was arrested for violating the ban. “This is just ridiculous. It was just for 10 minutes at around 10:15 a.m. on a Sunday morning … You couldn’t hear that much because the bed is downstairs in the dining room and not in the bedroom,” Carwright defended. A violation is a violation. [Telegraph]
Original by Amy Angelowicz
