Escorts Describe the Difference Between Paying for the Deed and Getting Down with Their Partners

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The experts speak on getting paid for pleasure

For most of us, the world of escorts and sugar babies is a mystery. Sure, we’ve seen it in movies, heard about it in the news, and (let’s be real) looked into websites to find arrangements of our own—but totally chickened out.

I mean, it’s scary! You never know what to really expect when you get swept up in the world of escorting.. Until now! The courtesans and cam girls of Reddit are telling their tales to help us all understand their world a little bit better.

Here’s the real scoop on getting paid to get off…

Definitions

I was sort of an escort/sugar baby, I don’t know how to explain it. I was essentially a long term escort (I’d see the same guy every week for months). Since I was always seeing the same guys, I was able to develop business relationships as opposed to romantic ones.

I’d say the biggest difference is the lack of ability to get comfortable with the other person. One guy would stay the night with me in hotels and I would wait for him to fall asleep to take my makeup off and wake up before him to put it back on, even after knowing him for months. I wanted him to get what he was paying for, which was me being made up and looking nice all the time.

Something surprising I guess would be how nice the guys were. I was never asked to do anything out of my comfort zone and was always treated like a queen. Even the men that would just get a hotel too to bang in for a few hours would always get up and get e a washcloth after we did the deed, stayed to chat for a bit, and usually gave me a gift as well as cash. ([deleted user])

Just Relax

The biggest difference is whether or not I can relax. My boyfriend would never try to gag me or switch holes or pinch me, but the men who would pay me didn’t care. I used to be so tense during sex that I’d be sooo tight. It was very uncomfortable. There were positions I’d refuse to do because I wasn’t about to get a bruised cervix or get torn behind again.

It’s so different now. My boyfriend loves me, I feel so safe. I can do things like put my ankles on his shoulders or close my eyes.

Sometimes, my boyfriend will accidentally hit my cervix too hard or sometimes nothing even triggers it it just happens, but I get really anxious and panicky like I did with the guys who paid me. I cry so much and he always says he doesn’t mind but I feel guilty for it.

I wish I had never done it. I don’t know why I ever said it was easy money, it fucked me up pretty bad. (ParadiseSold)

Helpful List

I was a (quite softcore) sex worker between 18 and 22. Male, btw.

Most of the money I made was from doing stuff on camera, even though I never actually took any of my clothes off. Mostly men, but some women, would pay good money to watch me eat or to just talk to them about my sex life or whatever. I found that to be actually really fun, and even though I knew there was some guy jerking off to me biting my lip, it was just nice to chat to people from my end. Nobody who knows I did this believed too easily that I never showed anything, but the people who used to pay me would have been immediately turned off if I showed any skin, it was the teasing that they loved.

In the real world, I did quite a bit of stuff for cash, but it was all quite vanilla. At my age and I guess the kind of person I am, it was always tender and caring. The people I worked with were not who I expected when I went into it at all, but I think I got quite lucky. Here’s a few bullet points because I’m not certain how else to write this:

• Surprising number of overweight guys my own age who weren’t getting lucky and were desperate to lose their virginity. If someone told me they were a virgin, I’d usually work it so that we met twice and had sex the second tixe, because I wanted to give them time to think it over and to decide whether I was the one. Everyone liked it this way as well, because it was less mechanical.

• Disabled guys with specific needs or low confidence. I adored giving people newfound confidence.

• Some of the time it was like therapy for the mind as well as the body. Fortunately, I’m quite a good listener, because some people (including women) seemed to like connecting on an emotional level through connecting over deep stuff, and then having a cathartic sexual experience.

Anyway…

Anyway, I had a sugar daddy. He was in his late 40s. The best thing about sex with him was that he made me feel like I was something special. People my own age tend to play it cool and act uninterested, but sex with him was very passionate and very quick, and I always walked away feeling very desired, so there was no shame involved in it at all, from my end.

The price of success, for him, was that he couldn’t hold down a relationship because of how much he travels. So when it was time for him to move to his next job, he asked me if I would drop it all to be his ‘manager’. He would have paid me a hell of a lot of money, and I would have joined him on trips to the most amazing places, which he takes all of the time. It was really the life that I spent my time wishing I had, but when it was on the table, I couldn’t give up my education, friends and family for some luxury. So, I turned him down.

The time before the last time we met, he told me that he gets people things all the time, but nobody ever gets him anything. We couldn’t sit down outside or go to a shop without people asking for photos or making comments or whatever, and in private, he was filled with sadness and needed someone who would give to him genuinely. The last time we met was the day before he was leaving to wherever he was going next, alone. We had a ritual of going out for drinks, dinner, then sex, but the last time, I decided to bring some stuff to make cocktails and we stayed in, I made pasta, and we watched TV instead of doing something expensive or fancy. I initiated sex that night (something I never do with sugar daddies) and gave him a little something personal at the end.

I guess that relationship made me re-evaluate what I wanted from my life, so I quit all the sex stuff and got a minimum wage job cold calling people while I finished my degree. ( lllllllllllllllllsq)

“Pavlov’s D**k”

I sugar babied for a former sugar baby who had been knocked up and married said daddy. She had me treat her like an absolute queen unless we were in the bedroom and then I was basically a Gestapo agent to her. The first time I did it I had to take former daddy’s (deceased for a year) viagra to even perform, but now I’ve got pavlovs d**k for roughness. Still enjoy being sweet more but both work for me. (Alectius)

Happy Accident

I actually signed up for a sugar daddy site as research for an article I was writing, and kind of got sucked in. When you’re broke and young, the idea of getting paid for “work” you’re doing anyway sounds damn good. The first man I met with didn’t work out. We didn’t have any chemistry, so the sex was pretty blah and it only happened once. The second was only a few years older than me and it was just straight prostitution. He seemed to get off on handing me wads of cash after sex. But then he wanted to date and I wasn’t interested so I called it off.

The third guy though. He was 24 years older than me, not bad looking but not mind blowingly hot, and sort of soft the way middle aged men get. I was pretty apprehensive about whether it was going to be another no go. I was so wrong. Best sex I’ve ever had, hands down, and definitely taught me some kinks I didn’t know I had. We saw each other off and on for 3 years, even after the economy tanked and he couldn’t afford to pay me. By that time, I loved him – not really in a romantic way, but still. There was a lot of affection between us and we spent as much time bulls***ting as we did having sex. I only stopped seeing him when I met my now-ex husband, and that was the end of that particular career. (frickineh)

A Pleasant Change

I’m a camgirl and I have a sort of arrangement with one of my longtime best customers where we meet up once every week or 2, go out to eat or and/or go shopping and have sex, he throws me some cash and continues to spend lots of money on me on cam so it’s very beneficial for me. Plus he is a super cool dude and I actually like spending time with him.

I would say the thing that might surprise people is that I don’t ever feel degraded or shitty about myself for doing it. When I was younger I dated guys in my personal life that treated me like absolute garbage and I got nothing emotionally or fiscally out of it. This guy listens to me, is kind, gracious, just is really one of the nicest people I’ve ever been with. I feel like people who aren’t involved in the sex industry would tend to get all judge-y and regard this kind of relationship as debasing when it has proven to be exactly the opposite. We both get what we need out of it and we have affection and mutual respect for each other, which is maybe not as common in traditional relationships where money isn’t a factor as people would like to believe.(bbc4kez)

The Biggest Difference

I’ve been escorting for a number of years now, mostly as a courtesan (though that’s just semantics and keeps prices up, I refer to myself as a prostitute). My clients are usually regulars, typically older men (very few women) and very wealthy. They pay for a whole experience with me so subterfuge is sort of part of the deal. I sometimes orgasm with them and the sex can be enjoyable but it doesn’t have to be; not that the client would ever know because all the sex is the best sex ever. It’s about their fantasy and their pleasure and what I think of whatever’s going down doesn’t really matter.

I never host, only outcalls, and no bookings under 2 hours so nothing is spontaneous or unplanned. No client of mine has ever seen me without make up, I never sleep (as in actually sleep) with a client and I don’t ever drop whatever facade it is they’re paying for.

That’s probably the biggest difference. A client buys an experience that’s discussed beforehand and very rarely deviates from our arranged scenario. Sex with my boyfriend is different in that he just gets an unfiltered, real version of me. Sometimes I orgasm, sometimes I don’t, we try stuff and if I don’t enjoy it, it’s not happening again, etc.
At the end of the day, though, it’s just sex, really. (LDN_Escort)

An Awakening?

The biggest difference is that you have to always enjoy the sex when you are getting paid. Like “yes that feels amazing licking my armpit”. Don’t get me wrong I can get past some stuff and I can enjoy the sex for myself.

I had a boyfriend before I started working and he wold never eat me out. I’d asked him why and he would tell me it’s not his thing. Fine whatever. Even before I started working the guys I slept with would never eat me out. It’s just not their thing. It wasn’t until I started working. Men would eat me out. And it feels amazing!! I no longer have a boyfriend but I’m fine with that. I feel that some of the sex I have with my clients was better then having sex with my ex and I’m getting paid on top of it!

BTW I’m a woman don’t mind the username. (SirLancelotTheBanana)

Original by The Frisky