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Guys

Dating Don’ts: Just Say No To Negging

by Lana Vrzic September 13, 2018
by Lana Vrzic September 13, 2018

His teeny little profile picture was cute. He was the right age range and city. But when I opened the online dating message from this random dude, this is what he said:

Isn’t feminism a little obsolete? Men and women are equal nowadays. In fact, the balance is tipped in your favor.

Of all the things for a man to comment upon in my profile, he chose to kinda-insulted me by calling my belief system “obsolete”? I rolled my eyes. I hit delete. Another one bites the dust.

I’d been “negged.”

Negging is the herpes of the dating world, a pickup artist tactic that’s spread far and wide due to the popularity of books like The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick-up Artists and TV shows like VH1’s “The Pickup Artist.”  Simply put, negging is when a man gently insults a woman as a way to undermine a woman’s self-esteem and get her to engage with him by defending herself.

Julie was negged by a dude online who messaged her, “I’m calling you out on traveling. I see no evidence for it other than you like it A LOT.”  Frisky contributer Megan Carpentier was negged in person by a dude at a bar once. The guy approached her and asked her height; when she told him the truth — both in-heels and out-of-heels measurements! — he responded that she was “lying” and there was absolutely no way she was as tall as she claimed. And Frisky contributer Rachel Kramer Bussel wrote a whole essay for us about getting negged by a some douchebag.

Apparently there’s women that stick around after this “seduction tactic” bullshit? But I would never — which is why I ignored that chucklehead who suggested feminism was “obsolete.” It’s possible that this man thought he was provoking a debate, which is risky in an online dating setting but not necessarily douchey. Yet the way he did so was by implying that a way I described myself in my profile was wrong.  That’s like messaging someone to tell them their religion or political affiliation is stupid. It’s off-putting. It’s not romantic.

And, guys, ladies are onto you when you do this.

I’ll have to agree with Rachel Kramer Bussel and the way she succinctly put it: “The only positive thing, as far as I can tell, about guys like that is that they let you know what they’re like right off the bat.” Hear, hear!

Original by @JessicaWakeman.

Image via Thinkstock

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Lana Vrzic

Lana is a dedicated writer and Editor in Chief of TheFrisky, who has been with us from the beginning. Her diverse range of interests, from technology and business to health and wellness, allows her to bring a fresh perspective to each topic she covers.

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