10 Reasons You Should Not Date A Dog Owner

Wendy Stokesby:


Sure, dogs are adorable and everything. But just because you think they’re cute doesn’t mean you want to date them. And unless you’re an avid dog lover to begin with, those sweet, floppy ears won’t seem so sweet when you have to bring a pooper scooper on your romantic outings and you find yourself covered in fur at Monday morning meetings. Here’s why you should put your dog park daydreaming to rest…

1. Sex is (usually) loud, and looks violent even if it’s not. To a dog it’s intriguing and sometimes worth attacking. Having a dog fly onto the bed in the middle of it is at best annoying, at worst traumatizing.

2. Many dog owners sleep with their dogs. This may look cute in the pictures they text you, but it’s not so cute when a snoring and drooling dog is passed out on your thigh and you can’t move and your beginning to overheat and your allergies are just kicking in and … you get the point.

3. Be prepared to do all the trekking if you want sleepovers. Unless your new lover lives with caring and responsible roommates, chances are he or she won’t leave the dog alone overnight. So if you’re looking for more than a quickie, you’ll need to spend your nights either at theirs, or alone.

4. No impromptu weekend getaways. Reservations for the pup at an acceptable boarding place need to be made, and you’ll need to count for a bigger budget with the price of the kennel (which in New York City, for example, averages about $50/night).

5. Your stuff may get destroyed at some point. Confession: I’m the dog owner in this situation. One relationship ended just a few weeks in, when my dog chewed through her favorite dildo.

6. No more lazy mornings in bed. Sure, there’s plenty of movies where the lovers lounge around in a beautiful king size bed with an adorable puppy prancing over their knees. Reality: the dog needs to poop, pee, run, eat, and play, first thing in the morning. Instead of breakfast in bed, your more likely to be trudging through mud pits in the dog park.

7. The dog park isn’t really a romantic place for a date. A few days in the year it’s nice, but the rest of the time it’s either too hot or too cold, smells bad, and is littered with feces.

8. You probably won’t come first. In this new climate of treating our pets like children, if the dog was in your partner’s life before you, it will probably always be number one. Happy hour is out of the question because the dog owner needs to get back to the pooch after work. Fancy date plans when the dog gets sick? At least you’ll look good in the vet waiting room.

9. Then there’s the jealousy thing. This might kick in when your date proposes to go dutch at dinner, then stops by the pet store and buys all sorts of (probably overpriced) toys and treats for his/her furry friend.

10. Let’s say your relationship blossoms like weeds in the dog park. You will find yourself moving in with the dog, which brings me to the last point: unexpected dog ownership. This is a good thing only if you’ve been wanting a dog — this specific dog — anyway.

But then again, dogs are incredibly cute, and if you’ve found yourself on repeat visits to a shelter but unable to make a commitment, finding a partner with a dog could be exactly right, for all of these reasons.

Original by Melanie Travis

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