It’s actually not new news that the mythical g-spot doesn’t exist. We’ve known that for some time already: Sigmund Freud pretty much just made it up, and ever since then we’ve been touting it as the ultimate orgasm or the way that men should aspire to pleasure women during sex to the exclusion of actual clitoral stimulation, which is how most women achieve orgasm.
Now, when I say “the g-spot doesn’t exist” or “it’s a myth,” I’m not saying that women don’t have vaginal orgasms. I’m saying that there is no magic button inside the vagina that a penis hits and then BLAM-O! Lady has an orgasm. The clitoris extends deep, deep into the body. I have no doubt that there are plenty of women who have vaginal orgasms because the friction between their partner’s penis (or whatever) and their vaginal walls is simultaneously stimulating the extended parts of the clitoris. And I agree with EJ Dickson at the Daily Dot that it’s weird and uncool to try to lay blame on or shame or invalidate the experiences of women who have vaginal orgasms as if they have been haughty about their vaginal-orgasm-having-abilities with statements like “Stop taunting us with claims of your intense, superior vaginal orgasms. It doesn’t exist and it never happened.” I mean, holy shit, guys, what the hell is that? How is that helpful? How can you justify telling someone else that their personal, sexual experiences are incorrect, as if you were there?
I have no idea why some outlets started attacking other women over this issue. (Well, I have some theories, but I’m not going to project my opinions onto other people, ahem.) I think the more important thing to look at is how this fits into our culture’s prioritization of male pleasure. When you tell men ad infinitum for decades that all they have to do is “find the g-spot” with their penises and they’ll be able to make a woman orgasm, it provides them with an excuse not to feel responsible for getting up-close-and-personal with vaginas with their hands and mouths. And I’m not saying that all men don’t like manually or orally stimulating their partners, but I will say that from personal experience, and from the experiences that I’ve heard from other women, there is a swath of men who don’t want to touch a vagina, don’t want to put their mouths on a vagina, they just want to put their dick in and consider it a job done. If we, their female partners, don’t come, it’s because something’s wrong with us and our bodies, not because they didn’t put the “effort” forth. And that, in turn, shames women’s bodies all over again.
I don’t and can’t blame women who are able to have vaginal orgasms for the fact that some of the men I’ve slept with have been selfish assholes. If almost all of us can come from clitoral stimulation and only a minority can have vaginal orgasms, you’d think that men would start looking at the data and going “Huh, if I actually care about my partner having a good time, I should probably spend some time on her clit.” But what are they told? Women’s magazines hardly talk about female pleasure at all. Men’s magazines still perpetuate the idea not that the clitoris is extraordinarily large and that a minority of women can therefore have vaginal orgasms, but that there is literally an area of the vagina that every single woman has in the same exact place and if you touch it with your penis during intercourse, she’ll have a roaring orgasm. That makes no sense if we acknowledge that every single vagina is constructed differently. Then you have erotica – and I’m not going to say “porn” because it’s a different ballpark – but you have literary erotica that claims as a well-worn trope that a man can simply have sex with a woman and she’ll have a massive orgasm just from the fact of sex, and repeatedly, and within only a few minutes of the beginning of intercourse, and under literally any circumstance.
We don’t talk seriously about women’s pleasure. We don’t talk seriously about the clitoris. We don’t talk seriously about female orgasms. We sell female orgasms as conveniently for men as we can, and if women don’t achieve orgasm quickly, we tell women it’s our fault. We talk about clitoral orgasms as if they are just sooooooo much worrrrrrk and suuuccchh a draaaag — as if handies and blowjobs aren’t. We have to stop pinning our resentment on other women who have had nothing to do with our achievement or non-achievement of an orgasm and start holding our actual sexual partners accountable, not to mention the literature that enables them to have a negligent attitude toward our pleasure.[Daily Dot] [Huffington Post (1)] [The Independent] [Huffington Post (2)] [The Daily Beast]
Original by Rebecca Vipond Brink