Just. Don’t.
The first time I had ever had p-in-v, my mom came home early. It made for a memorable virginity-losing story. While teenaged-me was mortified, it would turn out that it wasn’t the only awkward thing that’s happened to me through the years. Like the time I was fully clothed, making out with a guy on a first date and he just slaps me out of nowhere. “WTF?!,” you say? It actually happened again a few years later. I guess I just have a slap-able face.
I’m certain you’ve got stories, too. When anyone chooses to be sexually active, like with anything in life, the unpredictable can happen. Maybe you are taking your story to the grave, but these anonymous lovers decided to share the love and entertain the internet with their awkward tales of bedroom woes.
God Forgives?
Credit: VGstockstudio/Shutterstock
“Things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and I. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered: ‘God help me for what I’m about to do.’ Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly.
A Family Affair
Credit: sakkmesterke/Shutterstock
“The first thing my fiancé did when he walked in the door was to loudly announce all the hot kinky stuff he was about to do to me on the kitchen table. Unfortunately for him my dad, mother and both my brothers had just dropped in for a visit and heard every word he said.’
Baby Wipes
Credit: AXL/Shutterstock
“I was having sex with my girlfriend doggy-style and noticed a piece of toilet paper had been ‘left behind.’ I had such a bad internal conflict about whether to tell her or to remove it myself, I went limp. She started crying and accused me of not being attracted to her anymore.”
Wrong Order
Source: Health Magazine
“I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, ‘Just what the pussy ordered’ as he entered me.”
Maturity
Source: Cosmo
“I was giving my boyfriend oral sex when he pulled away without warning. As I looked up at him to see what was wrong, he screamed ‘JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!’ and shot his load in my eyes.”
Mom Makes an Entrance
Credit: By George Rudy/Shutterstock
“I was having sex with my boyfriend who is a VERY loud moaner. He kept saying my name over and over again then all of a sudden his mom comes in and says ‘yes hun…oh God sorry’…that’s how I found out I have the same name as my boyfriend’s mom.”
Original by Chewy Boese
