Whether you’ve known him for 15 years or 15 minutes (naughty!), the first time you sleep with a new partner can be a pretty nerve-wracking experience. Though jitters can add to the thrill, they can also psych you out. I mean, you’re getting naked in front of a new person! One who’s presumably never seen that tragic unicorn tattoo on your left hip or noticed that your left breast is just a teeny bit bigger than the right. And now this guy … he’s going to put his presumably wrapped penis where? Yikes!
Luckily, we ladies don’t have to worry about premature ejaculation or weak wood, but still—who wants to be a lame-o in the sack? To ascertain exactly what makes a woman “good in bed,” I called in an expert: porn star, James Deen.The 24-year-old star of hundreds of films, most of them too NSFW to be named here, guesstimates he’s been with around 3,000 different women. “I’m not a notch-on-the-bedpost kind of guy,” he said earnestly. “But I do about a scene a day.”
So, do you have any tips for women wanting to improve their skills? I asked.
“Don’t try to have sex like a porn star,” Deen offered right off the bat.
Huh?
“When you’re having sex on film, you need to angle yourself a certain way. Doing that at home … it’s just going to be awkward.”
I can see that, I suppose. I mean the high-powered drilling that passes for schtupping in some of these films looks downright unpleasant. “That rule goes double for guys,” Deen agreed.
I know very few “real” women who are built like porn stars and wondered if he thinks that’s what most men are expecting when the clothes come off. “There’s a big difference between a physically attractive person in a picture and someone that I want to have sex with,” he said. “I’d much rather have sex with a girl who’s not your quintessential beauty, but is sexually attractive.”
And what is it that makes a woman sexually attractive to a guy who’s seen 3,000 vaginas and 6,000 individual boobies? “Nothing is as exciting as a girl who’s comfortable with herself sexually,” he answered.
Oh, please—more important than washboard abs and a couple D-cups? “When a girl doesn’t want to show her body, that’s a huge turn-off,” Deen insisted. “There’s nothing sexier than a woman who’s comfortable in her own skin and happy with herself.”
How about technique? I asked Deen if he has any top-secret trade secrets to reveal. “I always say you should do things to yourself first,” he laughed. “If you can’t get yourself off, how can you expect anyone else to?”
What about all those acrobatics—doesn’t every guy want a Limber Lucy? “You can get into some weird position,” he agreed, “but yoga limber is useless for the most part.”
But, but, but, what about the feet-behind-the-head? Dudes dig that! “Nobody looks good in that position, but if a girl is confident enough to put her feet behind her head, and doesn’t care that her stomach is rolling—when a girl is that confident? That’s hot.”
Even if you don’t watch porn, chances are, the preponderance of it has had an effect on your life. Naturally, I’m talking about the pubic landscape. According to my rather limited experience, the girls on film seem to be pretty much uniformly bald down there and that has definitely seeped into the mainstream, with everyone from housewives to CEOs opting to have strangers pour hot wax on their hoo-has and rip out all the hair.
Deen had a scene to go shoot, but I got in one last question. I’ve been hearing murmurs that pubic hair may be making its way back into favor — is this true?
“Bush is back,” he confirmed. “These days, about fifty-percent of the girls have some sort of bush action going on there—not full like in the ’60s and ’70s, but trimmed topiary bush. There are all sorts of crazy shapes happening.”
Like a Michael Jackson profile in pubes?
“Exactly.”
Original by Judy McGuire
