Not many of us escape the pressure of feeling anxious about our sexual performance, and many men feel insecure about their ability to last or the size of their penises. As in many other areas of life, though, there is a disconnect between what men think women want in the bedroom, and what women are actually in favor of. Plenty of women do feel dissatisfied in bed, but it’s not always the stereotypical things that are letting us down, such as the specter of small penises and one-minute men.
So what is it, instead?
Contents
1. Thrusting Way Longer Than Necessary
Men are very familiar with the idea that women don’t want a man who can’t last, but this has become such a ubiquitous faux pas that many men are swinging way too far towards the other end of the spectrum. No matter how mind-blowing your thrust game is, most women will tire of intercourse that lasts longer than an episode of The Wire. If you can last for hours, make sure you’re checking in to see if she’s still enthusiastic.
Source: MensXP.com
2. Uninspired Fingering
The vagina is a relatively nerve-free region, except for the area near the opening and the famed “G spot,” so poking away limply isn’t going to blow her socks off. The advantage of fingersis that they can bend to hit areas that can’t access, so find those areas of her vagina that are most responsive and apply deliberate, sustained pressure.
3. Constantly Changing Positions
Porn seems to be to blame for giving men the idea that they need to change positions every couple of minutes. There’s a reason that this is necessary in porn — watching actors have sex in the same position gets dull quickly and makes for bad TV — but for actual, real-life sex, there’s no need for the same high-frequency change ups. If a woman is in ecstasy in the position you’re in, keep going!
Source: Metro
4. Button-Mashing Her Clit
Yes, the clit is where the magic happens. It’s also a HIGHLY SENSITIVE collection of nerve endings, so treat it gently — otherwise the only thing you’ll achieve is numbing it. Orgasms generally take women some time to achieve too, so don’t rub the clit expectantly for two minutes then ask expectantly whether she came.
5. Sticking Your Tongue In Her Ear
The ear area can be erotic: whispered dirty talks ends plenty of women wild, and licking or chewing on the lobe is also widely agreeable. But the surprisingly common act of sticking your entire tongue into the actual ear canal? No. Hearing the slopping of a tongue magnified 1,000 times is not erotic.
Source: Tony Bowler/Shutterstock
6. Remaining Creepily Silent
A lot of women report feeling confused when the men they sleep with are silent as a stone during intercourse or fellatio. Verbal feedback — even in the form of moans and “Oh my God”s — is crucial for letting her know if she’s hitting the spot, so don’t just lie there as though you’re in the front row of church trying not to be noticed.
7. Poor Cunnilingus Technique
Guys who refuse to go down on women are fortunately few and far between these days, but there’s still a lot of room for improvement in terms of technique.
Source: SheKnows
8. Using Spit As A Lube Shortcut
It is important that your partner is well-lubricated so that sex isn’t painful for her, but merely spitting on her and sliding it in is inadequate, and a little embarrassing. This straight-from-porn move has gotta go — vaginas are equipped to provide their own lubrication, but you have to put some effort into warming them up, so skip the lazy shortcuts and focus on actually turning your partner on rather than salivating all over her.
9. Having Rough Fingernails
This is basic, but extremely important. Gross nails are a big turnoff in general for women, but in bed it’s straight-up unhygienic and dangerous to have sharp, jagged nails. I’m sure I don’t have to explain why, so invest in some clippers and a file immediately
10. Screwing Up The Clincher
Reaching orgasm for women is usually a fairly slow and delicate climb, and the phase right before she climaxes is crucially important. Tip: KEEP DOING WHAT YOU’RE DOING! If it’s brought her to the brink of climax, there’s no need to suddenly shift up the formula, and doing so will likely chase her orgasm from sight.
Source: Shutterstock
So there you have it. Avoiding these common pitfalls will help you to improve in bed and get you closer to understanding what women really want, not what other men say women want. Ultimately, your sexual partner is an individual, so communication is key. Listen and be responsive to her requests, and you’ll reap the rewards of mind-blowing sex.
Original by: Ask Men
