At first, when the union is just forming, we are overwhelmed with admiration and anticipation. We put a lot of energy into still-fragile relationships. But as soon as there is a feeling of stability and security, we stop wasting energy on the development of these ties. How to keep a keen interest in a partner two, five, and even ten years after the meeting?
We forget to ask ourselves what our partner is thinking or feeling, implying that we already know it. This leads to the fact that, after some time, the partner ceases to feel that they are interesting to us and may even try to find a bride online on the brides4love site. But in fact, no matter how long you are together, there is always something you can do to strengthen your bond. Here is what you should pay attention to at one stage or another.
2 Years: Time for Bold Talks
At this point, the original thrill is long gone. The issue of commitment to your relationship comes to the fore. This is the perfect time to figure out if the dreams and plans that you discussed at the beginning are still valid, and to talk about crucial topics that have not yet been touched.
Task: Reveal yourself again
When a relationship is just starting, we remove some of our defenses to get closer to our partner. But as the experience of communicating with a partner teaches us to be more restrained, these defenses are gradually restored. Our initial attraction is based on what we have in common, be it a sense of humor or a passion for hiking. Then we discover that the partner is in something strikingly different from us, and this discovery can shock us. Yet, it is these differences that are the fuel for sexual attraction. If you persist in avoiding conflict, you stop feeling where you end and where your partner begins. And it can reduce appeal — you need to feel the otherness of your partner to enjoy sex.
The whole essence is that there are no secrets between you. It is worth encouraging your partner to spend time with their friends. At the first stage of the relationship, the couple seeks to hide in their “nest.” But after two years, they should let each other go to the outside world, to friends. It is a valuable gift that shows that you respect the interests of your partner. Buy tickets for a match or concert where they can go with friends. Let your soulmate communicate with them without feeling guilty. And in this way, you signal that you are not afraid of their social contacts, in which you are not included.
5 Years: Time to Expand Your Communication Repertoire
You have strengthened your commitments to each other, you have developed mutual interests, a joint circle of friends, and, most likely, you have established relationships with your new relatives.
Task: Use different languages of love
In The Five Love Languages, a family counselor — Dr. Gary Chapman — describes the different languages we use to give and receive love. Most of us habitually use one or two of these languages, instinctively neglecting others. If you start using the entire palette, your partner will feel treasured even more than ever before. Chapman believes that our preferred language may change over time. For example, you may find that you are less concerned about being touched and, conversely, more concerned about being caring.
If we do not alternate between these languages, we risk not getting into resonance with our partner. Try changing your love language every day for a week and see which one resonates the most with your partner to see what they want from you:
- The words. Verbalize your feelings in text messages, notes, compliments.
- Touches. Hug your partner, take their hand, offer to massage their feet. Remember that touching does not necessarily have an erotic connotation; it is also an expression of tenderness.
- Presents. Buy tickets for a concert of their favorite band, cook a dish they loved as a child, etc. It all depends on your imagination.
- Time. Dedicate a whole evening to your soulmate. Let them feel that your attention belongs to them. And do not be distracted by mobile calls or TV.
- Help. It is care expressed in action. Think about how you could make their life easier or do something nice.
10 Years: Time of Acceptance
Until now, something new has happened all the time in your family life. You settled in together, went on a joint trip, got married, became parents. All this happened for the first time. Your life is now more stable, and most likely, there are far fewer of these turning points ahead of you. Because of this, feelings sometimes fade. But in fact, this period can further strengthen your relationship as you enjoy what you have built together, the traditions you have created.
Task: Maintain your traditions
It is the customs and rules, no matter how prosaic they may be, that distinguish you from other married couples. As unique as a fingerprint, they create a precious sense of continuity in your life together. Whether it is an annual ritual (for example, two people decorating a Christmas tree, putting their kids to bed) or a daily one (morning run), it allows you to feel safe, loved, desired, and belonging to your partner. Discussing these traditions — how they originated and why you stick to them — is a good way to support each other, to show how dear you are to each other.
15 Years: Time to Dream
Probably by this time, your career has already formed. Children are not so dependent on you now, and you can devote more time to each other than before. It is very useful to remember who you were before you decided to be together, to notice the merits of each.
Task: Relive your hopes and dreams
Our desires can tell a lot about us, about whom we have become and who we wanted to be. Most likely, life did not turn out quite the way we once imagined. But this does not mean at all that now it is necessary to cross out old dreams. We all have reveries that we put off to the Greek calends for one reason or another, maybe because of unfavorable circumstances or a lack of time. By helping a partner revive their forgotten dreams, we simultaneously give a new breath to our relationship.