Back Door Blunder: The Most Traumatic Anal Experiences People Have Had

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I said, what what, in the butt

If you have never tried anal play in bed, I’m sure you’ve had some issue with your butthole. The first few times of P in A aren’t the most comfortable situations in the world, there could be pain for hours or days afterwards. And if you are like me, the constant need to run to the bathroom immediately following the act.

So much more can go wrong with your backdoor that doesn’t even involve sex: Diarrhea, hemorrhoids, abscesses… you get the idea. Butt stuff, whether sexual or medical, is still somewhat taboo. If you have an issue with your bunghole, not only do you NOT want to tell anyone, but going to seek medical attention can be embarrassing. Even though nurses and doctors have seen it all, having someone stand around with a flashlight while you spread your cheeks isn’t a fun time. (Yes, I’ve been there).

These Redditors share their butthole pain tales. And let’s just say you should be glad these things haven’t happened to you.

He literally broke her

Just dredging up this memory makes me laugh again.

Jen is my wife’s sister. Way back when we were dating, Jen had a guy over, and they had a fun time, as evidenced by all the pounding and yelling and moaning we heard from her room.

At a moment that sounded like a crescendo, she yelled really loud, and then things got quiet. So everyone had a great time, right? Good for them.

The next day, Jen came walking out into the kitchen, and she was being very gingerly in her movements. We ribbed her a little bit, and she stopped us, and said “I think something’s wrong”.

We started pulling the story out of her. Her friend for the night, Alfred, was apparently swinging a three-pound cock, ten inches and almost as thick as her wrist, by her words.

So what we had heard the night before was Jen getting pounded from behind. And she was into it, until Alfred pulled out a little too far, and slammed into her tailbone with as much force as a young buck could muster.

Alfred broke Jen’s tailbone with his cock.

Twelve years later, and occasionally Jen still uses a donut to sit on. And every time she does, I laugh.

To make things even funnier, she’s married to a guy who is 5’8″ at most, who definitely does NOT swing a three-pound cock, and takes testosterone supplements, and to top it off, has a Napoleon complex.

I don’t know if she’s told him about her time with Alfred, and I’d never do anything to cause strife between a married couple. But now, every time she sits on her donut, I have to go outside for a cigarette and to compose myself (AngusVanhookHinson)

Spoon

Constipation so bad that I had to literally dig it out with a spoon. Happened about 4 weeks ago, a result of taking a lot of Dihydrocodeine for many years. Senna tablets couldn’t keep up so I ended up severely blocked with stool that was rock hard. After 4 hours of pain and with nothing moving (despite two enemas) I grabbed a spoon and dug that shit out. Mission accomplished.

Edit: well, I had no idea my tale of backdoor digging would command such attention. Thanks for your interest and comments, I hope I’ve managed to answer all your questions. If you find yourself in a similar situation don’t be afraid to go the manual route. Choose your implement carefully and take your time, your body is wonderfully accommodating when in needs to be. Oh, and FFS eat more fibre. (broken-filter)

Mr. Clean

I slipped in the shower and fell onto that knob thing you pull up to make water come out of the shower head rather than the bathtub spigot. Went straight up the poopchute and caused a world of agony. Now I never shower with my back turned to the faucet. It was either that or when I fell out of a tree and broke my tailbone. The pain from the fall was painful enough, trying to shit with a swollen ass bone was almost impossible. (Interestingly_Boring)

Fiber

Remember when Johnny Depp got sucked into the bed in Nightmare on Elm Street, and that fountain of blood gushed out and onto the ceiling?
Picture that, but in my toilet bowl. Popped a hemorrhoid and/or reopened a fissure.

I don’t eat enough fiber. (CaptainKabuki)

Not Thor

In 2011, I had an ingrown hair right near my starfish that was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. Wiping sucked, walking sucked from ass friction, etc. Went to the doctor after about a week of this, he said that it had become infected, but that the hair was too deep to be tweezed or lanced, and that with antibiotics (like a 2x a day for 5 days course), it would fix itself.

So took them, bump from the hair continues to grow and gets cyst like in size, butthole is in pain, wiping still hurts like a bitch, and nothing happened after I finished day 5. Schedule another appt for the following Monday, with 4 days in between. In my pain, I decided that seeing a movie would be good for my mental health and Thor (the first one) opened the weekend before, so I go to the movie solo. About 10min from the ending, ingrown hair pops and starts draining.

I felt it pop, and can feel the blood/pus mixture soaking through my underwear, pants, and into the seat. But fuck leaving, the movie’s almost over. Wait until everyone has left the theater before casually walking through a fire exit and taking the long way around the theater to my car so people wouldn’t see my butt-period stain on the back of my pants. When I got in the car, I cried because even though it was gross, the pain was finally subsiding. I was 25, and had just become a man. (-TheNarrator-)

Childbirth

Split from vag to anus delivering my daughter. Then split it open again a week later. Four years later and my ass is still not the same. Probably never will be. Birthin’ ain’t for sissies. (hardlyaware)

Sunflower Seed Baby

I ate an entire 5 lb bag of sunflower seeds. at that point in life I ate shells too (they are crunchy and salty!).

It was a lazy Saturday and I didnt have anywhere to be so I sat at home on my computer and just munched on Sunflower seeds and played video games all day. I didn’t eat anything else and I drank a ton of water, by the end of the day I finished that big bag of sunflower seeds. The next day I experienced what can only be described as hell.

I woke up in the morning feeling a little funny and with a very sudden urge to use the bathroom. I rushed in and shut the door and sat down on the toilet. Gushing out of me came what felt like a cup of redish water but none of the fullness that brought me to the bathroom had subsided. I started to settle down and push a bit and that’s when I realized that this was going to be terribleexperience. red hot pain flashed around my insides like a ghost chilly slurry.

For beneath my asshole lied a wretched twisted thing about the size of a baseball. This would be hard enough to pass on its own but what had apparently happened through the night was the shells of my reckless ingestion had balled into an unholy mass of splintered plant matter. As I pushed it scrapped like hundreds of needles across my colon barely peeking out of my asshole. Worse each attempt would end with the ball being sucked back in and unleashing its curved sharp hooks back on me. The ball was solid and each push was a desperate measure to purge this demon from my bowels fully or be wrecked by the matter again. A half hour of battle filled with sweat, pain, tears, and swears I hobbled to the kitchen and grabbed a spoon and managed to break the ball inside my ass into chunks large enough to be extracted. I’ve never had an ass that sore in my life 4 days of pain commenced. I didn’t eat for fear of the pain of shitting for days. (manatwork01)

Wrong Hole

My first anal experience was an accident. My vajayjay was all wet and my boyfriend was penetrating me. He got out of there and came in the wrong side. I felt like he was tearing me apart, split in half n shit (LovelyNipples)

Hose Butt

I have posted this before because Reddit seems to be fascinated with people hurting themselves. But maybe some new people will see it and be entertained by my misfortune. So here we go!

A mormon guy once told me that in seminary he and his missionary buddies thought it was funny to go to the janitor closet and take the hose, put it on a trickle and put it to your butthole and fill your intestines with water. He said you could then hold ALL that water and go blast it at something.. (WTF right?!) So I was telling a friend what this guy told me. And my friend was like “DUDE you should do it!!” So I stupidly agreed. We go outside, grab the hose, I put it to my butt. My buddy then proceeds to CRANK the water really hard. I didn’t account for all the air that was in the hose so I my guts FILLED with air then a whole ton of water. This all happened in like 1.5 seconds. I screamed and dropped the hose. I fell down on all fours still yelling. I felt like I was going to explode. Then it happened. I pulled my pants back down and exploded shit all over his deck. But I still felt sick for like an hour. I hated my friend for a good hour after that. He still calls me “Hose butt” from time to time. Ugh. (crwrd)

Coach of the Year

I lost a buddy to leukemia a couple of years ago.

One of my fondest memories of him was when he was when we played football together in high school. He was a quarterback, and one day before practice he’s like “dude, we’re bros right?” I said “yea Josh, what’s up?”

“Can you look at this thing on my asshole?”

And he drops trow in the locker room and spreads his cheeks not 18 inches from my face.

After the initial shock of staring at my buddy’s brown eye for the first time, I see an engorged tick about 3 inches from the hole. I tell him and he freaks the fuck out. “What do I do? What do I do?! ” as he’s hopping around the locker room.

He runs into the coaches office and says he can’t practice and has to go to the hospital. At this point the whole team is crowding into the office laughing their asses off.
“Why do you need to go to the hospital Josh?”

Black kid 3 rows of players back: “HE GOT A TICK ON HIS ASS!”

everyone erupts into laughter, to a nervous Josh’s dismay. Our coach, bless his soul, has Josh show him, and in one swift motion, he grabs the tick with his bare fingers and rips it off, taking a good amount of hair with it. Josh screams, we scream. Coach lifts the tick over his head like the crazy guy did with the heart in The Temple of Doom. We run out, half expecting it to burst into flames.

Practice was quite lighthearted that day. (Chahles88)

Kids are Insane

When I was 7 my brother pinned me down and sprayed Lysol up my ass for farting on his face. I will never forget the sting. (Honeydippedsalmon)

!!!

Double anal. I mean it was awesome, but a little outside the design specs.
Edit, to spare straight men’s eyes: I’m a guy. (dogslikeus)

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Original by Chewy Boese