We have been going out for a couple of months after we spoke on Bumble and formed a stable connection. The two-month mark is usually my Fight or Flight period, where I either decide to stay with the guy or cut him and myself loose.
With this one, I had an urge to stay, but some things did not seem quite right; he has a very demanding job, so it wasn’t uncommon for him to be unavailable at day or night. But still, I had a sneaking suspicion that something was up; I was falling for the guy, so my logic pretty much flew out the window.
I called an emergency meeting with my closest girlfriends, and after talking to them and they started exchanging looks until one of them broke the silence, “He’s married,” she said, and I felt my stomach-turning. I didn’t want to believe it, so one of my girlfriends took my hand, walked me to my laptop, and showed me how to find out he’s married. And there it was – in a black and white copy on the laptop screen – my potential one’s marriage certificate. Before I tell you what happened next, I thought it was only fair to share with other people toll tale signs that your date is possibly married. It can save you time and most importantly – keep your heart:
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1. He’s more than willing to spend time at your place
Source: New York Post
When looking back at it, the guy I was involved with was always eager to spend time at my home; he never pushed to meet up at his apartment, and on the one occasion I suggested we visit his place, he told me it was being painted.
He also wanted to go far to hand out; we went to movies out of town, went to restaurants more than 10 miles from home, and he was always keen on going to new places. I asked him why he still wants to drive out of our way to go on a date, and his answer was simple: “I been in every place close to home dozens of times, it gets old,” and I was more than willing to accept his answer.
2. He never wants to spend the night over
Source: elmebrooz
We were hot and heavy from the first date, and it was fun. However, he was always in a rush to get home to complete his work, as he said. He’s an account manager, and some of his clients are overseen, so he had conference calls at strange hours. I didn’t want to impose, so I didn’t even suggest to go to his place and wait until he finished his work. I never thought he rushed home early because his wife was there.
3. He has strange phone habits
Source: Delas
When you are the beginning of a relationship, a great deal of the communication between you and your love interest is done over the phone: you text, talk, and also do quite a bit of sexting when the mood strikes. If both sides are genuinely single, their free time will be devoted to flirting and communicating over the phone. However, if one side is married or in a relationship, they will not be able to communicate over the telephone like single people. Someone married will stop texting suddenly, will text at strange hours, and will be unavailable for hours every day and especially the weekend.
So, if the guy you are dating has strange phone habits, it could be because he is married and cannot text you and talk to you when he is free.
Source: psychbytes
Which was something I liked in a day and age where most people take more snaps of themselves than they blink? That was what led my friend to take me to the laptop; she logged into a background check website called GoLookUp and searched its marriage records directory, and there it was – my guy’s marriage certificate. She said she had been using the site to check guys she was dating and find out if they told her the truth about who they are. The guy I saw didn’t have social media accounts, and I found out why – he didn’t want women to know he was married.
It took me a couple of days to let things sink in, two days where I didn’t take his calls or answer his messages. On the third day he came by, and I confronted him – he reacted the same as me – shocked and confused. He didn’t even try to deny it, and he started telling me the usual excuses about him and his wife barely talking, barely making love, and barely being married. He might have a ‘barely’ marriage, but he was still married, and that was enough for me. He tried to convince me to change my mind and that he is going to get a divorce when he can, but I didn’t want to hear it – my flight mode was in full swing, and it was time to check out of the relationship.
Source: nypost
If I say it was easy, I would be lying, but the most important thing I learned is to protect myself and be skeptical about the guys I talk to, at least in the beginning.
You can never know if your dates are telling you the truth about their past, so it is up to you to find out what is the truth. This more important than ever with the popularity of dating apps and websites that married people often use to cheat on their spouses. To find marriage records online, you need the name or the phone number of the person you are speaking with online or offline. Trust me – it’s better being a little paranoid than falling for someone who is an entirely different person than who they present themselves.
