Maybe you’re planning to try something special, sexually speaking, this Valentine’s Day. Or maybe you’re a human being and you have sexual fantasies year-round and not just on February 14th. Yes, that sounds more accurate. The fact is no matter what day of the year, most of us have recurring themes in our erotic imaginations. If Sigmund Freud were your analyst, he would encourage you to find the meaning underneath those urges. Alas, Freud is dead, but luckily we’re here, and more than willing to give it our best shot. Click on the gallery for our amateur analysis of some common sexual fantasies, from spanking to swinging…
The Fantasy: You want it in an almost-deserted alley way, on the dance floor at the club, up against a tree in the park.
What It Means: People might not guess this about you from your outward appearance, but you’re a risk-taker. You also don’t mind an occasional splinter in the vagina.
The Fantasy: Two strangers in a bar, student and teacher, cop and criminal: every sexual scenario that turns you on has to have a storyline, or else you’re bored.
What It Means: You like drama. You’re still a little bitter that you lost out on the role of Sandy in your high school’s production of “Grease,” but luckily there’s plenty of time to make up for it … naked.
The Fantasy: You’re drawn to the idea of snogging with a lady. Just once. Or maybe a few times.
What It Means: You are open-minded, but don’t like to broadcast it to the world, keeping your naughty side under wraps. You’re the woman wearing a Talbots pantsuit with crotchless panties underneath.
The Fantasy: Sex against your bedroom window with all the blinds open so the neighbors can see.
What It Means: Your parents never came to see your soccer games and now you want to be recognized for your abilities. You like being the center of attention. You never pass a window or mirror without pausing to check yourself out, and you expect others to do the same.
The Fantasy: Bent over a knee and spanked senseless. Paddled until your bum is black and blue.
What It Means: You’re tired of being so self-critical. You long for somebody else to punish you. “Secretary” is your favorite movie, of course.
The Fantasy: Whipped cream, chocolate body paint, honey, strawberries, you don’t care as long as you’re going to get fed.
What It Means: In case you weren’t aware, you’re an emotional eater. Your philosophy that “everything tastes better on a hoagie roll” is also true of penises.
The Fantasy: You want your guy to put it where the sun don’t shine.
What It Means: You’re unconventional. Quirky. A natural contrarian. You didn’t read Fifty Shades of Grey (too mainstream!);you self-published your own version called Sixty Shades Of Brown.
Being Tied Up
The Fantasy: You long to be bound, tied with rope, tape, restrained by your partner, relinquish all control.
What It Means: You might have been the first one in your Girl Scout troop to earn your knot-tying merit badge–you are the first one to do everything–but now you long to let go, relax, and let someone else tie the knots.
The Fantasy: Three doesn’t sounds like a crowd to you. You want a third in bedroom.
What It Means: Sharing has never been a problem for you. In college you were the only person who got excited about group projects. Now you want to work on a group project of your own.
The Fantasy: You doing a man up the pooper with a strap on.
What It Means: You’re a powerful woman who is tired of being underestimated. You’re ready to own your power by showing you’re not afraid to tame an asshole–at the office or in the bedroom.
The Fantasy: To pee or be peed on, that is the question. Either way, you’re fantasizing about it.
What It Means: You’re not the squeamish type in bed, or out of bed for that matter. You’ll try anything once! When you traveled to South America you ate Guinea pig on a stick and loved it.
The Fantasy: You want to go to a key party bad.
What It Means: Variety is the spice in your life. When you can’t decide what you want to order when you go out to dinner, you order one of everything. You probably own a silk robe.