Would You Wear Hair Tattoos?

I’m generally down to give most beauty trends a shot at least once. I’ve used hair chalk, eyelash extensions, the sock bun (using both a real sock and that mesh donut sold at the drugstore); and weird nail jewels, for example, and currently the ends of my hair are a faded chlorine-like blue-green thanks to a drunken decision to apply Manic Panic’s “Jem”-inspired hair dye (it washes out, very slowly – so slowly I’m cutting my hair off tomorrow). But some beauty trends I take one look at and know they will be a total fail. Such is the case with “hair tattoos,” which are like those metallic fake “flash tattoos” that were all the rage last year — but for your hair. I’m sorry, but I don’t get it.

These are just stickers for your hair, right? Stickers for your hair that look like half a metallic headband broke off and got stuck in your strands. They clearly wouldn’t work for anyone who didn’t have stick straight, flat and smooth like glass hair — I’m talking zero-waves, people. Considering I can’t even apply a child’s fake tattoo to my hand without screwing it up, I’m not at all confident in my ability to apply a hair tattoo without tearing it or getting it stuck to itself. And even if I managed to put it on correctly, I’m not convinced that the slightest breeze wouldn’t cause these “hair tattoo” thingies to start peeling away, leading everyone in their mom to be like, “Psssst! Amelia? I think you have a piece of tape or something stuck in your hair. But it’s shiny? Is that supposed to be jewelry? Wait, is that a sticker? Have you been babysitting? I need a babysitter this Friday! Are you free?”

Also, look at the closeup of Kylie Jenner’s hair tattoo. You can see the weird glue-y back of the tattoo strips. I bet that shit looks extra janky in real life. Why else is her dog making this face?

I guess I really don’t see the point. Hair tattoos are clearly only for straight-haired people, which is rude. And they’re dumb. Are headbands too complicated now? You certainly wouldn’t dare touch your hair with one of these in, out of fear of messing it up — have you ever had to force yourself to NOT touch your hair all day? It’s much fucking harder than you’d think. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that even if I managed to flat iron my hair to stick straight status, perfectly applied this hair tattoo and stayed inside all day away from any potential earthly elements that might mess it up, I’d still look in the mirror 10 minutes later and see half of it dangling from my ear.

So no. I would not wear a hair tattoo. But would you? If so, find out where to buy ‘em at the link below. Coachella is only nine months away!