I hate both giving and receiving dating advice, mostly because it isn’t a one-size-fits-all endeavor. But when a younger lady, wet behind the ears on the dating scene, comes to me and asks questions, I feel obligated to share my hard-learned relationship truthisms. Even if they’re harsh. I’m not going to make it all fluffy unicorns. Dating is more like an unpredictable mastodon. Yes, I know she’ll probably ignore me, the young, irreverent laddess that she is, and go do exactly what the hell she wants to do just like I did when I was 19. And she’ll learn on her own, the hard way, the way all of us did, by getting kicked out of the guy-you-think-you’re-in-love-with’s birthday party and then vomiting in a gutter at 5 a.m. Or was that just me? But ohhh, if I can spare her the unnecessary heartache, the unnecessary vomit, the time spent composing unnecessary revenge emails, then dammit, I will give my most valiant effort! If someone had told me these things back then– when I had no idea how shit worked — I would have plugged my ears. So here goes, the things I know are true about dating, even though I wish they weren’t. Take heed. Or feel free to ignore and enjoy the GIFs. You’re going to do what you want to anyone. That’s the truth.
1. If he was right for you, nothing you could have done would have blown it.
2. You only meet a few people you really love in life, everyone else you just like. That’s why dating is annoying, because the people you like never live up to the people you love.
3. Taking the behavior of unavailable men personally is a complete waste of energy.
4. He was doing the best he could in his own limited way.
5. If the person you’re dating sends you into an anxiety spiral, you have to call it quits even if the sex is great.
6. You really do have to love yourself before you can have a healthy relationship. There’s just no way around it.
7. Don’t expect another person to be looking out for your best interests. That’s all on you.
8. PAFU (people are fucked up), sometimes they do weird things, don’t try to understand them, just move on.
9. When someone really likes you, they are always enthusiastic.
10. Don’t take anyone seriously until they prove they are worthy of being taken seriously.