Instead of sawing off a cabinet leg, a carpenter sawed off his own, um, appendage. Adding insult to injury, he was building the furniture piece at his mom’s place. Fifty-four-year-old Stuart Keen and his detached penis were immediately rushed to the hospital in Wantage, England, where skilled docs were able to stick it back on. His mom was quick to rush to his defense, telling the press, “Stuart is a carpenter and uses sharp and sometimes dangerous tools. This was an unfortunate accident but these things happen all the time to people in his profession.” They do?! Remind us not to date carpenters.
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Footballer Almost Loses His Yardstick
A German footballer almost lost the footage from that job title when a tackle left him needing six stitches on his stick. In 2005, Chavdar Yankow, then 21, recovered from the three inch slice rather quickly, thanks to the team’s doctors. And he actually rejoined the game to score the winning kick! So, the good news is ladies, he’s still quite the player.
Fish Bait
Stay Away From Saws
In 2007, a 30-year-old Australian man wasn’t paying attention on the job, and now he may not be able to get the hand or blow kind. The sawmill worker got his own woody caught in the “log moving mechanism.” There was a lot of blood loss, but the man survived. Lucky him. Hope there’s worker’s comp down under!
Meat Grinder
Speaking of… next time you’re in Australia, keep an eye on your prized penis because we have yet another machine-meets-peen sob story. A 23-year-old factory worker got it caught in the wrong kind of grinding situation. Luckily, paramedics were able to stop the bleeding caused by the grinder, but the fate of his humper is still unknown.