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It happens to the best of us. No matter how optimistic we are about a date or a relationship there often comes that undeniable moment when it suddenly becomes crystal clear it simply isn’t going to work out. The good news is: that which doesn’t kill you is often pretty entertaining for everyone else.
Keep reading for 32 hilarious, real-life dealbreaker moments when even the best efforts can’t salvage things.
- “She showed off her false teeth in the first 45 minutes of the date. Bless her heart, she was very insecure about them. But I honestly didn’t know. Probably wouldn’t. So she didn’t have to pop them out.” — John DeVore
- “I Googled his email address and discovered he had a diaper fetish.” — Brieann O.
- “He went downstairs and masturbated in a corner, and then came back and told me about it.” — Vanessa
- “There were several red flags with this one guy. We went to see “A Beautiful Mind” and in the middle of the movie he asked me if I were following. I wanted to scream that I had already figured out the twist. Then as he was driving me home, he asked me to listen to his “music,” which was filled with expletives and the n-word. I told him that I thought he could get his message across without using that word, and he told me that my opinion didn’t really matter to him in the long run. So first I was stupid and then my views didn’t matter. We never spoke to each other again.” — Annika
- “I met a man who looked super hot in his MySpace (ha) picture, then I met him in person. His face was not nearly as cute in real life, and he had a very high-pitched, whiny voice that drove me nuts. When I walked in, he was sitting at the bar, and when I (rather quickly) made an excuse to leave, he stood up and he was about 5’2”, which, I’m sorry, but geez.” — Eve
Source: bustle
- “The guy I was supposed to go out with tonight canceled on me saying he was too poor to go out this week. Too poor to afford a beer is a dealbreaker in my book.”
- “Last night’s date was wearing the jeans of a 21-year-old semi-professional hacky sack player. I don’t mean to be an a-hole, but when you’re 33 and we’re going out for the first time, please at least put on your church (i.e., good) jeans.”
- “When I had to pick up a date in college because he didn’t want to pay for car insurance. Oh, and he was drunk when I picked him up.”
- “The last guy I dated seriously criticized my clothes. It wasn’t so much that he couldn’t appreciate my style; it was that he felt the incessant need to bring me down a notch in whatever way he could. ” — Amelia
- “I went on a blind date once and two things stand out—first he said in an email ‘I’ll be the one in the white jeans’ and I was like, ACK. This was 1999 not 1989. Also, on the date he was like, ‘You ask me a question and then I will ask YOU a question.’ I said, ‘Can’t we just have a conversation?’ It was like he read a book about how to go on a date or something. Also his question was, ‘What is your favorite color?’ The pants alone were not a dealbreaker but the horrible conversation skills sure were!” — Emily M.
- “I met his mom for the first time on vacation and quickly realized — much to my horror — that the two of them could not keep their hands — or their lips — off each other.” — Wendy
- “A guy who cried out ‘oh no!’ repeatedly as he came.” —Ellen
- “Another guy had read my column archives so thoroughly that he actually quoted me. That was truly unnerving.” — Judy
- “When I was writing the acknowledgments for my book, and had so much to say about friends, families, and co-workers, I started to write a line about my boyfriend at the time and realized that he’d been … pretty unsupportive the whole way through. I had nothing to write about him! We broke up a week later.” — Jennie
- “When I was at drinks with my boyfriend and my best friend and he was getting the next round. He turned to her and said, “I’ll get you a drink, if you stop dating douchebags.” So rude! And made me realize he was a douchebag.” — Kendra
Source: Salud y Amistad
- “I’m not a foodie by any means, and I don’t expect my guy to be, but he should at least know what good and bad food is. Once, I was cooking fish for him and asked him to buy the groceries—he came in with a package of frozen cod and I nearly cried on the spot. And he didn’t like cheese. WHO DOESN’T LIKE CHEESE?” — Leonora
- “My freshman year college boyfriend was an angsty art major who had depressed mood swings and used Tom’s all-natural deodorant, which means, yes, he had constant patchouli-tinged BO. But those weren’t the dealbreakers. The dealbreaker was that he could only eat fast food, preferably Wendy’s or Burger King. He claimed that only fast food hamburgers and fries filled him up. Even when I offered to pay for a nice meal, he wasn’t interested.” — Joanne
- “Over appetizers, he started blabbing that HIV didn’t cause AIDS and that condoms were a ridiculous idea.” — Jill
- “About five years ago when I was living in London, a friend of mine persuaded me to go with her to a speed dating night and I met an American guy there that I ended up dating for a month. He was very spontaneous and funny, although a little bit too intense emotionally. He had told me that he sometimes goes through deep depression phases and he’s medicated to get it under control, etc. I was cool about everything though ‘cause I really liked him. So, a month in, we were out one night and he was acting really weird and he told me he was really messed up — was spiraling into depression, because his ex-girlfriend, a French chick, was getting back into his life. He’d been trying to avoid her ‘cause she was a little psycho and she was stalking him … blah blah blah, BUT she had also just found out she was pregnant. With HIS child. I then knew I had to cut my losses and finish it. It was getting to be too much for me.” — Martha
Source: WaltonTribune
- “When a guy’s credit card got declined on a dinner date and he flipped the hell out.”
- “When a guy’s apartment looked like a vintage daycare center (he had a kid). That’s not a problem, but kiddie socks and leggos in the bed. Nope.”
- “When a guy asked if he could cut me in bed.”
- “When a younger guy I spent the night with asked me to start the shower for him because ‘showers are complicated.’”
- “When a dude told me he was polyamorous in the first 30 seconds of our first date.”
- “When a dude told me he doesn’t eat pu**y.”
- “When a guy told me he was under Federal investigation on our first date.” — Ami
- “One was a professional blogger and honestly cared more about playing video games over his computer with his best friend than he did about spending time with me. There were many nights where, instead of us cuddling in bed, he would get out of bed, put on his little headset, and go play video games with his pals. It was AWFUL. And he used the word ‘rape’ a lot while playing, like, ‘Dude, I just got raped in that last round.’”
- “Another guy told me he had HPV and sometimes had genital herpes outbreaks. I know everyone has HPV; it’s so common, yadda yadda yadda, but it freaked me the hell out.”
- “I dated a guy who refused to let me go down on him, or go down on me, until we both had been tested for STDs. While I admired his rah-rah-health standpoint, I had just gone to the gyno three months before—there was seriously NO reason I needed to get tested again.”
- “9/11 conspiracy theorist. That’s all I have to say.”
- “One guy was a lawyer for this prestigious NYC firm, Skadden Arps, and he told me how much money he made ON THE FIRST DATE. I’m not saying I wasn’t impressed or proud for him, but it’s a little rude to talk salary when you don’t even know someone’s middle name yet.” — Jessica
Original by Wendy Atterberry
