My boy bestie, our own Mind of Man John DeVore, wrote a hilarious piece for GuySpeak.com called “You Might Be A Player If …” directed at dudes. Like:
You might be a player if … you own as much leather as you do denim. And you wear your sunglasses on your head like a tiara.
You might be a player if … you buy condoms by the spool.
You might be a player if … if you think oral is first base.
Check out his entire list here. But I think we all know that women can be players too. How to tell? Ladies, you may be a player if …
- You keep a few condoms in every purse.
- You wear sexy lingerie every day ‘cause, hey, who knows?
- You go to a sex toy party and there’s no product you don’t already own.
- Friends seem to think you’re a “sure thing” for their single guy friends looking for some action.
- You’ve got stretch marks … around your mouth.
- You’ve ruined at least three different pieces of clothing with spooge stains.
- You’ve forgotten how to walk in flats.
- You have to keep a record of who you slept with on which day or hour in case a baby or STD should pop up.
- You’ve had an ex help you shop for a current guy.
- None of the women you know will leave their man alone with you.
- More than five men have kept your panties as mementos.
- Your reputation precedes you.
- You’ve made out with more than one dude in one night.
- You’ve slept with more than one dude in one weekend.
- Your numbers are higher than his.
- You get bored during one-night stands.
- You hit on a guy and then realize you already slept with him.
- You and your gyno are on a first name basis.
- The doorman won’t let you up in da club anymore.
- You’ve run out of cheeky nicknames for your various bedmates.
- You keep a razor and travel-sized shaving cream in your purse so you can groom your pubes anywhere, anytime, ‘cause you never know!
- You’re currently shagging two Canadians named Ryan.
- Your vagina has its own voicemail.
- You’ve gone ahead and gotten a plastic sheet for your bed.
- You’ve had more abortions than Octomom’s had babies.
- Searching through Match.com is like taking a walk down hook-up memory lane.
- You find a pair of men’s underwear in the dryer and think, “Well, these could be anybody’s … “
- You’ve been the guest star in more than one threesome.
- You already own all the products in our little black books and cute condom carriers slideshows.
- You can tell if a guy is circumcised when his clothes are still on.
Original by Amelia McDonell-Parry