What did women do before vibrators were readily available? They did these common items perfect for keeping house and happy. Now we understand how housewives get their satisfied smile. After the jump, the hush-hush household tricks of the trade with 10 homemade sex toys you didn’t realize you owned.
1. Back Massager
You can get a cheap-o back massager at any drug store, but we’re willing to bet nine out of 10 are really used on backsides. Bonus if you’ve got one with big handle!
2. Washing Machine/Dryer
Two words: spin cycle. Like a good roll in the hay, you have to wait for the moment when it’s right. Hop on, get off, clean house
3. Cellphone on Vibrate
There are pricey remote control toys, but you can also go the poor man’s route and simply use your cell phone. No awkward remote, just set your phone on vibrate, wrap it in saran wrap to protect it, affix it to your panties, and have your man give you a call. We’re pretty sure this is what the old AT&T slogan, “reach out and touch someone,” was really talking about.
4. Electric Toothbrush
Designed to get between hard to reach places, this vibe is tough on tartar, but gentle enough for clits. Plus, they’re often rechargeable so you won’t have to keep replacing batteries! Use the brushless side and feel the sweet scrubbing action.
5. Bathtub Faucet
Everyone talks about a hand-held massaging shower head, but it doesn’t have a thing on a plain old bathtub. Lie on your back, with your legs up against the wall so you form a human 90-degree angle. Turn the water on, keep it cool, and get wet!
6. Electric Razor
Any electric razor worth its price in batteries can take care of your unwanted hair and your horniness. Gillette is onto our little sexy secret and released a battery operated, disposable razor called the “Venus Vibrance Soothing Vibrations Razor for Women.” Mmm hmm, since when has a razor sounded so…sexy?
7. Tickle Me Elmo
A lot of women get their start with self love by humping a pillow. This is similar, only the little cuddler vibrates!
Lay on your back (naked, obvi), hold onto one end of the blanket with your feet and the other with your hands, and then rock your hips up and down as you rub the taut fabric between your legs. Presto!
Original by Simcha