Penises are the greatest, just on their own, chillin’, flaccid, doing nothing or erect, inserting themselves into orifices. Simply the best, those dicks. As wonderful as they are just being themselves, no penis lover can resist a member that goes above and beyond the call of duty. Click ahead to see some sexy penis moves that, when performed properly, have the power to blow our minds. Or at least make us laugh our asses off. Hey, laughter is sexy.
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The Alarm Clock
There’s no better way to wake up in the morning than with a penis as your own personal alarm clock. Push your morning wood against her body to rouse her. She’ll be wide awake in seconds.
The Swizzle Stick
Many of us like to partake in a few cocktails before getting horizontal. We like the cocktail even more if it’s mixed by a hard cock.
Source: pinterest
The Ventriloquist
Pretend the urethra is a mouth and use it to do funny voices. You can even dress it up like a character if you’re really into narratives.
The Paddle
A super-erect penis doubling as a spanking implement will double the pleasure, double the fun.
The Wave
Say hello to her vagina … with your penis. Flex and release to create a waving motion. The bigger the hello, the better.
The Wrist Watch
Wrapping your soft penis around your wrist like a watch is totally acceptable as long as it’s not done in a frat house.
Source: dwinetshopper
The Loch Ness
Make her believe in mythical creatures by weaving your penis between her fingers so that it resembles the Loch Ness Monster.
The Helicopter
When a man spins his flaccid penis around in a circular motion mimicking the spinning propellers of a helicopter, a lady can’t help but be impressed. It takes quite a bit of flexibility in the pelvis.
The Pendulum
This is when a man stands with his hands on his hips and gets some forward/backward momentum going with his dick. If it hits his butt crack in the back and his abs in the front, that thing is BIG.
Source: cocksox
The Mangina
We’re totally turned on by any man who is comfortable enough with his sexuality to tuck his junk between his legs so it looks like he has a vagina. Also, it’s really funny.
The Shadow Puppet
Tell her a bedtime story. Put on a real show with some shadow puppetry of the penis.
Original by: The Frisky
